I want to be the very best,
Like no one ever was.
To fuck them is my real test,
To bone them is my cause!
Pokémoan!
Gotta catch em’ all!
Okay… raise your hand if you have spent more time on Pokémon Go (or any other Pokémon related game for that matter…) than a reasonable adult probably should… oh, in case you can’t see it… my hand is raised… both of my hands are raised… really high. I’m obsessed with this game (much like I was obsessed with Pokémon Red and Blue as a young nerdling in the nest). I eat, sleep and breath Pokémon. And now… thanks to the Geeky Sex Toys Pokémoan Bulby you can say that I eat, sleep, breath and fuck Pokémon. I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!
Also, since we are on the topic of my child-like obsession with Pokémon… guess where I am RIGHT NOW… go on, guess! If you guessed Cerulean City, I’m afraid you are incorrect. If you guessed Pokémon Go Fest in Chicago… then that is both correct… and a weirdly specific and accurate guess! For one gloriously long weekend I will be catching Pokémon all day long (I know it’s my destiny)… and then retiring to my hotel room to… fuck Pokémon all night long… oh yes… I will be Pokémoaning alllll night long… so… I guess this is my preemptive apology if your hotel room happens to be next to mine…but should you hear my moans, do not be alarmed… its just that my Bulby used Growth… and it was super effective.
In case it isn’t obvious (I don’t know, maybe you live under a rock or something), the Geeky Sex Toys Pokémoan line are all fashioned after the starter Pokémon available in the Pokémon video games. This means as a fledgling trainer you can choose between Bulby, Charmy, Squirty or Piky. And much the same as I have done in almost every Pokémon game I’ve played, I have chosen Bulbasaur as my starter cumpanion… because I always feel bad for ol’ plant butt… he doesn’t seem to get as much love as Pikachu or Charmander… even dopey old Squirtal sees more action than Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur is the Hufflepuff of the Pokémon world (but that’s okay… I’m a bit of a Hufflepuff myself). So naturally, when Geeky Sex Toys gave me the option of picking any of their Pokémoan critters I wanted… my instincts kicked in and without even thinking, I selected Bulby (okay, I also brought home the Piky plug for good measure).
Bulby is a pretty clever (yet simple) little nod to the seed based Pokémon Bulbasaur. Only, instead of a mushroom head (like your typical penis-esque dildo), this dildo features an adorable little seed pod, much like the seed found growing on Bulbasuars back. This bulbous head really makes Bulby shine… I love the fat little head, it feels great being inserted and I like the gentle popping sensation I get as I thrust in and out with it. The chubby little head is also excellent for clenching around while using a vibrator on my clit. I do wish that shaft of the Bulby was just a wee bite longer though. I want just a little bit more room to thrust with… I feel like just as I was really getting into the thrust… I ran out of dildo… which was a bit disheartening at times. It’s not a deal breaker though, the Geeky Sex Toys Bulby is still an excellent toy, especially if you enjoy chonky friends to clench around.
According to the Pokédex, Bulby has an overall length of 6.5 inches with roughly 4.5 of those inches being insertable length. The shaft or “stem” of this grass type Pokémoan has a circumference of 4.25 inches while the seed pod is a respectable 6 inches around. The stem of the seems to be spouting up from… balls? They look like balls to me. A pair of cute, chubby-wubby little balls. Or maybe its supposed to be another seed pod? No… no… they definitely look like balls to me. Bulby comes equipped with an adorably small pair of translucent green balls. It’s as if Bulby is saying to us “Hey, do you wanna battle? Because my balls are at the ready!” That was a terrible joke, why did you let me use that? Well… it’s too late now, whats said is said.
Being made from silicone, cleaning is a breeze (at least in theory it is…). I get kind of hung up on the lip where the seed pod meets the toys shaft… there is just enough of a ledge for goo and gunk to build up and its… irritating. Its not so bad if you are the kind of responsible person who washes their toys immediately after use and you can just rinse the goo away. I am not a responsible person. I am the kind of person who masturbates with a toy, tosses it aside, then finds it under the bed a few weeks later covered in dust bunnies and crusty vag goo. I do have a dedicated dildo toothbrush though, so I was able to brush away the crust from around the rim of the toy and out of the little shallow dip in the tip.
There isn’t really much to this toy… its super simple… which makes for a pretty quick and simple review. But its fun and who needs all the bells and whistles when you have good ol’ fashioned fun on your side? Also… I’m in a hurry… I’ve got Pokémon to get out and catch! ALL THE SHINIES WILL BE MINE!
Do I recommend the Geeky Sex Toys Pokémoan? Well… just like Bulbasaur the Bulby is #001 in my heart (haha… Pokédex humor). It’s an interesting dildo, the seed pod at the top is neat and not something you usually find on top of your average dildo… it doesn’t feel quite the same as inserting with a more penis-headed dildo… its more… top heavy? Front loaded? I’m not sure how to describe it… like… all the fun is right up front with the first thrust, because there is no texture along the shaft at all (and the shaft is on the shorter side). The Bulby is also excellent if you are a collector of all the weird and nerdy things the world has to offer. AND… if you really do need to catch them all… you’re in luck, because there is a full collection of Pokémoans to collect! This toy is just nerdy enough… quirky enough… that its one of those things that I think would want to own just so I could display it… imagine the conversation you could start with your house guests. If they ask if that’s a dildo you can look shocked and say its a modern art interpretation of the cultural sensation that is Bulbasaur. Also… yes, its a dildo and its fantastic… you should give it a try.
Are you like me, do you have a soft spot for the happiest cabbage frog? You can pick up the Geeky Sex Toys Pokémoan Bulby directly from Geeky Sex Toys! BONUS: As of right now you can use the code KITTEN for a 5% discount… I’m not sure how long this discount lasts… it may last only as long as I’m in Chicago!
A brief note though, Geeky Sex Toys is based in Australia. So after you order your sex toy it first has to pass Kangaroo inspection. Each dildo is lovingly placed inside the pouch of a Kangaroo (or Wallabies, if you pay extra) and it is hopped around Australia for exactly 14 days…it is during this hop around that the dildos truely age and mature and this is what makes dildos from Geeky Sex Toys different, Kangaroo hopped dildos have a quality you won’t find anywhere else (this is 100% true…okay, 85% true… okay… there is a .01% chance that this is true). Also, being from Australia, shipping takes slightly longer (but its worth it… you won’t find toys this Geeky anywhere else) but even though your package is coming from the other side of the world, shipping is more reasonable than you would think… if you spend $100 shipping is free (and its easy to spend over $100… just take a look… you’re gunna want one of everything) or a flat $15 if you spend less than $100. So go ahead, go catch ’em all!
The Geeky Sex Toys Pokémoan Bulby was provided to me free of charge by Geeky Sex Toys in exchange for my honest review.