I need constant adult supervision at all times ya’ll. Without someone to talk sense into my I end up agreeing to some weird and wild things! Oh, you want to zap me with electricity? Yeah that sounds cool. Would I like to bang myself with a life-cast doggy dildo? Uh, sure… why not! An alien probe that will lay jelly eggs inside my vagina? You know I can’t say no!! Actually… after I say all that, today’s review looks much less wild in comparison! The Blush Novelties Temptasia Clitoris and Nipple Pleasure Enhancement System actually is pretty tame compared to some things I’ve tried. Also, that name is crazy long… don’t be confused by such a long and fancy-pants name… this Clit and Nipple Pleasure Enhancement System is a pump… its a pussy and nip pump. I know I won’t be able to continually write Pleasure Enhancement System… so just know that is what I mean when I type out pussy pump! And actually, I lie… its not really a pussy pump, because that suggests that the suction cups are big enough for the whole pussy…. which they are not… SO… even though pussy pump is just wildly fun to say… its inaccurate… the Temptasia Clitoris and Nipple Pleasure Enhancement System is in fact a clit and nip pump and we shall leave it at that.

Well, that was a dumpster fire of an opening paragraph. If you have made it this far, thanks for sticking it out, things should go much more smoothly from here! So this Temptasia system isn’t actually my first foray into pumps, somewhere near the beginning of my career as a sex toy blogger I actually bought a vibrating pussy pump from Pipedream… because I wanted the chance to review something I deemed “challenging” something that might be an interesting draw to get people to read my fledgling sex blow. I was looking through my website to find the review so I could link it for you… but appears to be missing… so that is a mystery I am going to have to solve after I finish writing this review! I thought I was going to hate the pussy pump, I figured there was no way that was going to feel good and it would be a kink that I would kick under the rug with a “well, I guess I’m not into that…” But you know what? I actually ended up really enjoying the whole pussy pump thing… its a wild sensation… like… it was kind of painful… but worth it… The Temptasia pump set is equally kind of painful but also worth it. Its really hard to explain… but I’ll do my best. OH! Then there is the whole having sex with big ol’ inflated pussy parts… that was a whole ‘nother thing in itself! Needless to say, I personally have become a fan of (some) suction play and I was 100% on board when Peepshow Toys asked if I would be interested in reviewing the Temptasia. So, with that in mind… if pumping isn’t your thing now… go ahead and give it a try… you might surprise yourself! Or… you’ll still hate it, but at least now you have a story to tell all your friends about that time you tried to pump your clit.

ANYWAY… once you have your Temptasia Clit and Nipple Pleasure Enhancement System, inside the packaging you will find a red silicone hose, the hand pump, and three suction cylinders in different sizes. The set contains a large, which is 3 inches in length and 1.5 inches in diameter, a size medium which is 2.75 inches in length and 1.25 inches in diameter, and finally a size small which is also 2.75 inches in length but only 1.15 inches in diameter. These various sized cylinders allow you to find the right size for both your nipples and clit and give you a size to move up to if you are looking to kick things up a notch. This is pretty neat, the pussy pump I had purchased those many years ago was a one size fits all sort of deal… I bought a really small one, because I was kind of timid about the whole thing… but once I mastered that small size, I was able to fill that whole cup up and had no more room to … “grow.” So, I appreciate a kit that comes with multiple sizes… works well for both finding the perfect place to start and possible gives you more options to try out as you master the art of suction. I started with the smallest cylinder, because I wasn’t too sure how this was all going to go down, but the smallest ended up fitting snugly around my clit and I was able to “fill” it without a whole lot of issues, so I ended up switching to the medium cup, which was about perfect for where I’m at.

So how this thing works is you choose your cylinder size (small, medium, or large) and attach that to the red silicone hose. You then take the other end of the hose and attach that to the hand pump (you can do this in whatever order you like… attach the hose first and then the cylinder if you want… see if I care). Once you have assembled your sexy doohicky place the cylinder over your desired area, I started out with my clit… as I felt like I was most familiar the sensation of suction down there. I am currently fully waxed and I had no issues getting a seal with the Temptasia pump, however with my pussy pump (from another brand) did have issues sealing around a lot of pubic hair, I don’t know if this is going to be an issue with the Temptasia or not… but if you aren’t getting a good seal, try brushing the hair out of the way a bit and using some lube to help the seal… this worked with my pussy pump… I can’t 100% say it will work with the Temptasia pump… although this pump is trying to cover a much smaller area and I feel like achieving a seal would be easier (but I figured it was worth relaying my experience with another pump… just in case). Once I had the cylinder placed around my clit I just gave the pump handle a quick squeeze and I felt it lock into place (suction into place?). From there I just kept pumping… giving it a few squeezes, then let it just sit and rest while I got used to the sensation and then pumped it a little more… I vary nearly orgasmed from the pumping alone… and I probably could have orgasmed if I wasn’t trying so hard not to! It is also possible to release pressure, so I did a bit of pumping until I couldn’t stand it anymore and released the pressure back down again… pump pump pump… release… its really cool to have the ability to release the pressure at the press of a button (or… I guess handle… its not really a button), my other pump did not do this… if you wanted to relieve any of the pressure you had to crack the seal. This made it possible to also pump, release, pump, release… giving it kind of a sucking, almost oral sex like experience.

The other neat thing about the Temptasia pump is that each of the three cylinders it comes with has a locking valve (I don’t know if that is what the official term for it is…but its a valve… and it snaps closed…) which means after I pumped up one cylinder to its desired effect, I can remove the hose and handle from it and attach a different cylinder to use elsewhere without losing the work I just did! This means with three cylinders it is possible to pump up your clit and both nipples! Once you have finished and are ready to release the vacuum just refit the hose to the cylinders and hit the release trigger. And I’ve gotta say… the release feels nearly as good as the pumping!

Okay, I just want to circle back real quick to something I mentioned earlier about hair. So, my Stunt Cock showed up as I was working on this review and I was able to give this a try on his nipples and his chest hair did make it more difficult to achieve a tight seal, I ended up needing to slick the hair down with lube and moving as much of it out of the way as I could. I threatened that I was going to have to wax his chest clean… but in the end we didn’t have to resort to that, with a little lube and perseverance I was able to get the pump to seal and had a jolly good time with it. So… if you have a hairy chest (or public hair) don’t be too discouraged… a good seal is possible with a little fiddlilng! Okay… now with that said… back to our regularly scheduled program…

So, as I said earlier, I have experience with a pussy pump… which pumps up the whole pussticular (that’s a word right?) region. So I thought I was pretty prepared for just pumping up my clit… but good golly miss Molly was I wrong! I was not prepared at all… somehow this managed to be a whole different ball game entirely. So with the whole pussy pump, it seems that my clit was a little bit more protected from the whole suction business… like… it could feel what was going on and it was cool with it and along for the ride… but with the pump directly on my clit… it was the center of attention and it had nowhere to hide… it was amazing. From the moment I started pumping, things started to feel super sensitive… even the plastic of the cup bumping gently against my exposed clit was enough to nearly throw me over the edge. Then fun doesn’t just stop there either… after I released the pressure of the pump and removed it, what I was left with was a glorious tiny little penis creature. It was adorable and it was hungry for more. So of course I plopped down my always at hand Doxy Wand and turned it on. HOLY MOSES WAS THAT TOO MUCH. Normally I have my wand cranked up to super sonic speed… and I still grumble its not enough… but with my pumped up clit it was toooo much to handle! I ended up backing it down to its low and rumbly settings and enjoying that… and it was great. I guess when you think about it… our clits and nipple engorge and become sensitive when we are aroused… so pumping it up was like… becoming extra aroused… and extra sensitive… or some such nonsense.  I also used the Temptasia pump on my nipples but I was less of a fan of that, my nipples are already super sensitive as it is and pumping them tends to hurt more than excite… I can handle a little bit for a very short amount of time… but as far as nipple play go… suction is not my bag (I get antsy with even someones mouth around my nipples… I like it… but also… suck too hard and I may pinch you really hard… because that’s how I respond to threats… pinching).

I can definitely recommend the Blush Novelties Temptasia Clit and Nipple Pleasure Enhancement System, the quality of this pump is a million times better than the Pipedream pump I own (not surprising) and I can tell that this toy will likely last me much longer than my previous pump (it broke after a few uses) did. I am also a fan of the price tag… I’m always pleased to find a toy that I really like that is under the fifty dollar mark. I also think this is a great buy if you are exploring the idea of suction and pumping, as it comes with those three different sized cylinders to try out or gives you three cylinders to use on three body parts all at the same time without having to buy anything extra! It also breaks down very easy and is not all that hard to store (I’ve thrown it into a medium sized zip up pouch I was given as a gift but didn’t know what to put in it… now it houses a pump… but the gift giver was not expecting me to do that with it…). I also think the pump handle itself is super easy to use, again using my previous pump as an example… the pump on that was tight and hard to push down all the way… but this one is like butter… it pumps with ease, so you don’t need Herculean hand strength to use it. I also think this would be a great toy to add to the collection of anyone who goes to play parties… as it is easy to clean and could potential be a huge hit with party goers. It is fun to watch someone being pumped… its fun to do the pumping… and its fun to be the one being pumped… its just a win all around!

Ready to explore the world of clit and nipple pumping? You can pick up the Blush Novelties Temptasia Clitoris and Nipple Pleasure Enhancement System from my friends at Peepshow Toys! BONUS: Use the code KITTEN for a sweet 10% off your order!

The Blush Novelties Temptasia Clit and Nipple Pleasure Enhancement System was provided to me free of charge by Peepshow Toys in exchange for my honest review.

Back in January in of 2018 I had the extremely good fortune of getting my fuzzy kitty paws on a Motorbunny ride-on sex machine for review. After about a year of testing (hey…I wanted to be thorough) I published my totally scientific findings regarding the Motorbunny and its ability to suck orgasms right outta me just this last January (of 2019). One of my biggest complaints about the machine had to do with the attachments (the machine itself is divine and everyone needs one). They were boring, they were ugly, and worst of all they were made from a porous TPE material. What’s the point of owning a sex machine if I can’t share it with my friends, neighbors and fellow erotic countrymen? GIVE ME SILICONE OR GIVE ME DEATH!

Not only did I write my complaints down in my review, I was also quite vocal about those same complaints when I found the Motorbunny booth at the ANE (Adult Novelty Expo for the uninitiated) show this year. It was there that I was given a whole gaggle of Motorbunny Silicone Attachments! Clearly this is a sign that the folks at Motorbunny liked me and my Motorbunny review… or sure… it could also be that they were just all “here take this bag of attachments and leave us alone. We are busy and you talk to much weird sex toy human.” OR MAYBE… maybe Motorbunny sees me as their GOD…and this bag of sex toy attachments was their SACRIFICE… their attempt to appease THE GREAT AND POWERFUL KITTEN! Motorbunny mortals, your tribute has been accepted and Kitten doth look favorably down upon you! Your silicone harvest will be mighty and bountiful! Whatever the reason for the bag of attachments, I call it a win! I came home from Las Vegas four silicone attachments richer (also scored a LINK Controller, which I’ll be reviewing soon too)!

I’ve gotta say, the silicone attachments are leaps and bounds better than then the TPE attachments that are included with the Motorbunny… LEAPS AND FUCKING BOUNDS! Oh my gosh… when I compare the two attachment styles side by side there is no doubt in my mind that if you are investing in a Motorbunny you really should also splurge and go for at least one of the silicone attachments. The designs really feel like more thought was put into them and they are a million times more appealing to me than those TPE sad sacks. Motorbunny currently sells seven silicone attachments and I got my hands on four of them… woo-hoooo! I’m pretty excited… because now that I have silicone attachments, I can invite friends over for Motorbunny parties (okay, yeah… first I’ll actually have to make some non-internet only friends…but I’m sure that parts easy if I lead with “I own a Motorbunny”)!

So, from the show I came home with the “My Friend Dick” Penis Style Attachment, the Bunny Buddy Attachment, the Clitoris Stimulation Attachment, and the “Lolli” Attachment… yes, some names are obviously better than others… but we aren’t here to judge them by their names… but rather by whether or not they feel good and can produce any orgasms. But if we were judging them by names… the worst is “My Friend Dick”… without a doubt… that name makes me cringe. The winner of this group would be “Lolli” as it sounds rather twee and sweet and a bit on the Lolita side… and I’m a big sucker for DD/lg stuff. Anyway… yes… attachments… I have t them and they have names… the attachments I don’t have also have names. I am currently missing the Double Penetration Attachment, the Mt. Gushmore Attachment, and the Keister Bunny. I am going to have to get my mitts on those… I especially want the Mt. Gushmore (even though I personally voted for it to be called the Cobra Ripple… which is an equally terrible name… I see that now) because it is the only silicone attachment that looks good for grinding and doesn’t have a large insertable bit to it… and grinding is a large part of how I use a Motorbunny.

One of the first things I noticed about my silicone attachments (beside OMG YAY SILICONE) is just how much more quality the material feels. The whole toy feels sturdier and it doesn’t wrinkle, bend, and remain warped like my TPE attachments. I have had these silicone attachments sitting in an enormous plastic zip lock style bag for about two months and they still look as pristine as when I acquired them. Where as my TPE attachments were warped straight out of the box and I never have been able to get them to lay straight, which makes them look extra ugly when sitting on my beautiful Motorbunny (check my Motorbunny review to see what I’m talking about, you can see how the base flaps are all wavy and gross looking in my photos). The silicone is also super soft and silky to the touch… so when you aren’t riding the Motorbunny, you can sit there and stroke it like a cat. Because everyone pets their silky soft sex toys… right? RIGHT?! Don’t tell me it’s just me… It’s just me isn’t it?

“My Friend Dick” Penis Style Attachment is, as the name implies, an attachment that looks like a penis… complete with wrinkly little balls. It has a shaft length of 6.5 inches and a circumference of 4.75 inches. I do like the length of this particular penis toy, however, just because of how I use the Motorbunny (I do very little bouncing up and down and pretty much no thrusting type movements) I would have maybe liked to have seen this attachment have a little more girth to it… that way I really had something to fill me up and clench around as I ride the orgasm waves. However, even if it isn’t super girthy, it is still pretty nice and I have no real complaints about it. It is not the attachment for those who may not be fans of realistic toys. Even though it is a fantastical pink color… its got those wrinkly balls that make the toy kind of… too realistic. One thing I really enjoyed about this attachment is that the head of the toy did vibrate wildly against my g-spot… that was some magic right there.

The Bunny Buddy Attachment is a penis-esque shaped (it has a vague penis like structure but is nowhere near as realistic as the “My Friend Dick”) insertable bit and a rabbit eared external arm. If you are a frequent reader, you know my opinion on rabbit vibrators. This was probably my least favorite attachment. It did nothing for me… I mean… yes, I orgasmed… but that is mostly just because of the Motorbunny itself… the vibrations are so powerful that I could be sitting on a mop and and it would still work for me. But did I enjoy the Bunny Buddy? No. No, I did not. Why didn’t I enjoy it? Pure frustration over trying to position those goddamn rabbit ears over my clit. I just couldn’t do it… the ears had a mind of their own and wouldn’t stay positioned around my clit no matter how hard I tried. It just became irritating. The insertable shaft bit is nice though, I didn’t mind that… but it was hard to enjoy when all of my focus was on how much the rabbit arm annoyed me. Maybe you like annoying rabbits… maybe you’ll like this… but I certainly am not recommending this attachment as a must have.

The Clitoris Stimulation Attachment… did Motorbunny run out of clever names? Okay, I thought I was going to hate this one in the same way I hated the Bunny Buddy… but I was pleasantly surprised. I think it is the absence of ears that made this attachment more tolerable. I was able to grind against the external arm without feeling like I had to do something with any extra ear appendages. The shaft is also excellent, as far as insertable attachments go, this one is my favorite. It does an excellent job of hitting me in my g-spot and feels just filling enough without being too much (although… I’m often a fan of ‘too much’ but I know not everyone is…). I can recommend this attachment if you are into the idea of having both the external arm and the insertable shaft.

The “Lolli” Attachment… as the name suggests… looks like a lollipop. A lollipop you can sit on. Out of the four attachments I received, this is the one I enjoyed that absolute most. It is super simple but was quite effective. The lollipop head does an excellent job of hitting me in the g-spot… which is something I always appreciate in an insertable toy. It also wasn’t too long, I was having some issues with the longer attachments like the “My Friend Dick” and the Bunny Buddy, as they had a lot more length to them… which meant I couldn’t sit down on them right away… it took a lot more easing into it before I could get myself seated comfortably on the Motorbunny without feeling like something was going to stab its way through my cervix and burst out of my stomach alien style. The Lolli is just short enough that I can plop myself down with no issue… great for a quickie (although… there is nothing “quick” about setting up the Motorbunny…unless you are the kind of person who can leave your Motorbunny set up and waiting for you at all times… in which case, I salute you).

Okay, so the downside to these attachments is that they are $49.99 a pop. But look at it this way… a quality silicone dildo is likely to run you at least fifty bucks, if not more… so rather than thinking of them as just attachments (which gives me this false sense of them needing to be cheaper… because I start thinking of them as an add-on… like guacamole… it should only be a dollar extra) start thinking of them as a sex toy in their own right. When I started comparing them to silicone dildos… the price doesn’t actually seem that bad… I would gladly drop that much or more on the right dildo… so don’t settle for the shitty TPE attachments… drop that fifty bucks and get something that is actually fun to use! At the time of this review the attachments are all actually on sale for $29.99… I don’t know how frequently sales like this happen… but I thought it was worth pointing out because it means they do go on sale and you may be able to score them cheaper in the future (or if you are reading this in real-time… you can jump on this deal now)!

As I said earlier, I orgasmed with each attachment I tested… but this is likely due mostly to the sheer force of the Motorbunny itself and had very little to do with the attachments… the Motorbunny just pulls the orgasms from me, regardless of what I am doing. However, I 100% recommend that you pick up at least one of these silicone attachments for your Motorbunny, because you deserve something better than that TPE crap that comes standard with the Motorbunny. Personally, I prefer the ability to just grind against the Motorbunny, so I feel like I would really enjoy the Mt. Gushmore… which is an attachment I’ve yet to get my hands on… it has nothing penetrating… so it really looks like the perfect attachment for grinding against.

Do you already have a Motorbunny but are ready to upgrade to silicone or just add another silicone attachment? Just hop on over to Motorbunny’s Attachment’s Page and get to shopping!

Don’t have a Motorbunny and need one (yes… you need one… everyone needs one of these)? Use the code KBOHEME40 for $40 off the Motorbunny Bundle!

The Motorbunny Silicone Attachments were provided to me free of charge by Motorbunny in exchange for my honest review.

Did you know that there is such a thing as National OOTD? You didn’t?! Just kidding… I’m not that shocked… I didn’t know that either… in fact, I didn’t even know what OOTD was… other than vaguely remembering seeing it as a hashtag on Instagram. So of course I had to ask my trusty google and it says that OOTD stands for Outfit of the Day. And it turns out National OOTD is on June 30th. Why is any of this relevant to today’s sex toy review? Well… it’s not really… I mean… kind of… but not really… but yes… sort of. I see you rolling your eyes at me… let me explain. So, when I happened to learn that there was such a thing as National Outfit of the Day happened to be the same day I just happened to be testing out the We-Vibe Moxie… a wearable vibrator for your underoos. Do you see where I’m going with this yet? So, there I am, sitting at my desk with my Moxie clipped to my underpants reading about National Outfit of the Day and it hit me… my #OOTD was a pair of Minion’s themed underpants, a ratty old Blockbuster t-shirt, and the We-Vibe Moxie… now if that’s not #fashion, #livingmybestlife, #blessed… I don’t know what is. I honestly contemplated trying to take some photos for Instagram to tag for National Outfit of the Day… but pure laziness got the better of me… so I didn’t. And now here we are, many days after the fact… finally now writing about National OOTD and the We-Vibe Moxie. As my old kindergarten teacher used to say… “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” Be happy you are getting a review at all this week… I’m frickin’ exhausted from my drive to Colorado and back! I could have used the We-Vibe Moxie on my road trip… now there’s a way to pass the time in the car…

Okay, I feel like this train has really jumped the track here… time to reign this madness in. I’M TIRED AND WORDS ARE HARD!

When I think about wearable “panty” vibes my mind instantly conjures up images of this terrible butterfly shaped jelly material wearable vibrator I bought as a newly minted “adult” (I put adult in quotes…because I still don’t feel like an adult… I just look like one). I bought it from some shady online dealer because I was too frighted to go to a store to buy anything and I had no idea that quality sex toy vendors actually existed on the internet. That toy was awful. It made my inner thighs burn after wearing it for 20 minutes… but I kept using it… because I figured the burning sensation was somehow my fault. The vibration was weak… weak as fuck…but I kept wearing it… again… assuming that it was my fault the vibrator wasn’t doing anything for me. I suffered through that terrible toxic butterfly for months before I finally gave up and assumed I was broken and sex toys just weren’t going to work for me. Guess what… none of that was my fault… turns out it was just  a really shitty vibrator. Thankfully, the We-Vibe Moxie is not a shitty vibrator (and with it coming from We-Vibe… I really didn’t think it would be shitty… We-Vibe hasn’t really disappointed me yet) and it will not make your inner thighs burn… and has the potential to give you orgasms (I won’t guarantee that it will… because we are all different… but I think it has a far better chance of it than that toxic butterfly of mine).

The way the Moxie is worn is kind of neat (at least I think so). I don’t have a ton of experience with wearable vibes, but those that I have tried fashioned in weird and uncomfortable ways. Take that toxic butterfly for example, it was worn like a pair of terrible underpants… it had elastic straps that you stepped in to, but they couldn’t be tightened, so it kind of hung like saggy underwear… not sexy. Another wearable vibe I tried had no means of keeping it in place… you just popped it into your underthings and prayed it didn’t work its way out and slither down you pant leg while you were out walking. So, compared to my previous wearable experience… the Moxie is a goddamn innovation! The We-Vibe Moxie affixes itself via a pretty powerful magnet. You place the vibrating half of the moxie in your desired undergarment then take the little oval magnet half and let it snap against the Moxie from the outside of your underwear. I feel like I explained that very awkwardly… did it make sense? Half of the toy is inside your undies the other half is on the outside… that way it can’t slip, slide, slither down your pant leg, or move outta place… it stays where you tell it to stay. Great staying power is definitely one of the big reasons I like the We-Vibe Moxie… my clit is very particular… and when I find my “hot spot” I don’t like to move the vibrator from it… I’m a set it and forget it kind of person (with some exceptions)… so I like that I can find that spot with the Moxie and then lock it down with the magnet and it pretty much stays put (I say pretty much… because I did a lot of vigorous scootching and rocking and rolling and did everything in my power to dislodge the magnet… I did manage to make it move… but I also looked ridiculous and I don’t think anyone is using a wearable vibe in that way…). So I guess the moral of this story is that the We-Vibe Moxie will stay put, unless you are participating in some wild gymnastics.

The Moxie isn’t as powerful as I was hoping for. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still got plenty of oomph… and it has that rumble that I’ve come to expect from a We-Vibe toy… but I guess I was hoping for something more like the Tango. Something with some real power behind it. But the Moxie is pleasant enough. It seems like it would be especially suited for someone who prefers their vibrations in a more mid to maybe on the lower end of powerful range, Does that even make sense? What I’m trying to say is that its powerful enough… but its not knock my socks off powerful… if you are familiar with the We-Vibe Tango, I would say that the Moxie is a step below that in power. When the Moxie is placed in my underoos, the raised tip sits right against my clit while the wavy textured end teases the opening to my vagina. Although… now that I think about it… you could also reverse that and let the wavy textured part sit on your clit… now I don’t know which way is supposed to be correct… I guess I liked the raised bump part… cause it nestled up closer to my clit than I think the wavy part would… so I’m going to guess that that’s the correct way to wear it… maybe? Probably? I don’t care how you wear it… you do you, sunshine!

The Moxie can be operated via the toy itself or using the included wireless remote. On the body of the Moxie, just under where the magnetic plate sits, is a raised bump, that is the toys on/off button as well as how you move through the Moxie’s various modes. As far as I’m concerned, the only reason I would use the button on the body of the toys is because a) I know exactly which setting I am going to use and I have absolutely no plans on changing it or cycling through any of the other modes or b) I’ve lost the remote. The wireless remote is super handy if you don’t want to be reaching into your pants every time you want to change the setting (which could get super awkward in public) or if you want to turn your wearable vibrator into a partner toy. To get someone else involved, just hand over your remote to a lover, friend, or stranger on a bus (just kidding… don’t do that last one… unless you ask them first… and they are into it…) and let them control the settings… or turn it off and on at random… go out and run errands with your partner and you never know when the vibration will hit. Cruising down the produce aisle at Whole Foods and BAM its orgasm time… shopping for shoes at Foot Locker… guess what… orgasm… stopping at Target for toilet paper… you’ve guessed it… IT’S ORGASM TIME! I ended up taking it with me to the movie theater (where I watched Annabelle Comes Home… it was great…I like horror…but horror that isn’t too scary) and giving the remote to my Stunt Cock. It was a great way to fulfill that having sex in the movie theater fantasy…without being those people… the ones having noticeable sex in the move theater… and you know perfectly well that is what they are doing… but they think they are being soooo sneaky… so you just keep your head down in the popcorn and pretend you don’t notice (the 21+ seating at my theater seems to attract a lot of this). You can also use the remote to go out and play in public by yourself… but it looses the element of surprise… but the orgasms are just as good. Also, the Moxie is also waterproof… so take it to the shower or bathtub… or have a really rockin’ pool party.

Okay, so to operate the toy via the shaft button, give the button a press and it will spring to life (unless you have forgotten to charge it… like me and you press and hold the button for like 30 seconds wondering when it will turn on…). Continuing to press the button will cycle through the Moxie’s pre-programmed modes (if you don’t like what its got, check out the app, you can make up your own patterns). There are 10 settings in all, with a mix of constant speeds and patterns. The patterns with the Moxie actually aren’t all that bad… normally I hate patterns because I don’t like those pauses and gaps between vibrations… my clit is impatient and if it stops getting attention for just a fraction of a second it throws a tantrum and says “FINE, I DIDN’T WANT TO ORGASM ANYWAY” and I feel like I have to start all over again. The We-Vibe Moxie has patterns that change intensity without leaving those annoying little gaps… it has a great one that kind of starts at the bottom then climbs up in intensity… I really enjoy that one.

To operate via the remote just turn the Moxie on and then click the arrow buttons on the remote. The remote is neat, as it seems to give you even more options… so its got those 10 settings… but it seems with the remote you are able to take the pattern settings up or down in intensity using the arrow buttons. It took me quite a bit of playing around with to get a good sense of what was going on, but as far as I can tell the the up and down arrows control the intensity and the left and right buttons cycle through the modes. I held the remote with the gray silicone button pad facing  away from me… I suppose if you hold it different, up and down will be different for you. But you’ll figure it out… I have faith in you.

Another neat possibility with the Moxie is allowing someone control it via the We-Vibe We-Connect app. This makes it ideal for anyone in a long distance relationship, or if your partner is traveling, or for any cam performers looking to add something else to their shows. It is also a great backup method if you lose your remote or forgot to pack it with you on an outing. It is also a little less obvious for public outings, people are used to other people having cell phones in hand… a tiny remote with clicky sounding buttons might draw more attention, depending on your situation. I haven’t done a whole lot of digging into how the app works with the Moxie, but I am going to assume the app works pretty much the same way it does with the other app compatible We-Vibe toys and I’ve explored using the app with the We-Vibe Gala, the We-Vibe Nova, and the We-Vibe Wish and it worked perfectly well with all three of those toys… so I’m assuming its just as functional with the Moxie. I’ve been kind of on the fence about app controlled toys, but I do think its kind of a neat addition… so long as the toy is fully functional without the app (which the Moxie is) its nice to have the option of letting someone else control my toy from afar via the phone. I do believe if you are having a partner control it via the phone, you also have to have the app on your phone as well in order to pair the device from long distances… but I don’t think it shares any information with the long distance partner. Again… I haven’t dug into that too deeply, but if you have used the Moxie (or any We-Vibe toy) for long distance fun I’d love to hear about your experience in the comments below!

The Moxie is coated in a very satiny smooth silicone, which feels really great against the skin. However, there is no plushness to the toy at all, I didn’t find the toy uncomfortable exactly… but I could really tell that it was there when I was sitting down for longish periods of time on a hard chair. I really wish it had a little squish to it, just a little padding around the body of the toy would have been fantastic… but overall, its not terrible… I never felt like it hurt or have any discomfort get in the way of having fun… but some squish would have really elevated this toy for me. I want to feel like my clit is being hugged by a pillowy marshmallow… that vibrates. Also, there is that age old bit of advice that says don’t use silicone lube with a silicone toy, as it has the potential to damage your toy. Find yourself a good water based lube and you should be golden.

Charging the Moxie is pretty straight forward. It comes with its own magnetic charging USB cable dodad. Just slap the magnetic bits together then plug it into a USB port on a computer or wall adapter and you are off to the races. I am pretty impressed with the magnetic charging cable, it holds on pretty tight. I let the Moxie dangle from my desktop while charging, and the magnetic USB cable didn’t even flinch, it held fast and charged like a dream. It took roughly 90 minutes to charge the Moxie to full You’ll know its charging by the breathing light on the body of the toy.

Also, if you are a person like myself who loses things constantly (like… I have a drawer full of vibrator power cables and I have no idea who they belong to) and are worried that you will loose the little magnetic bit that keeps the Moxie in place… don’t panic! The We-Vibe Moxie comes with a second magnetic plate just for people like us who would lose our heads if they weren’t screwed on. If you lose the spare… then I don’t know… you might have to email We-Vibe and ask nicely for a replacement, because as of right now I don’t see replacement magnetic plates being offered in their store… but the Moxie is a pretty new toy still so maybe eventually replacement magnets will be added to their accessories section. Just do your best not to lose BOTH magnetic plates (I may sound like I’m yelling at you… but really… I’m yelling at myself… because I know I will lose both plates eventually… it’s just who I am as a person). Along with the extra magnetic plate, the We-Vibe Moxie also comes equipped with its own storage bag

So, anyways… whether you are looking for a discreet wearable vibe for public (or private) fun, a vibrator for long distance used, or just a snazzy accessory for your #OOTD, I can recommend the We-Vibe Moxie. It has that We-Vibe rumble that I’ve come to expect and love from a We-Vibe toy. It is reasonably powerful (and is probably just powerful enough for many people… but I’m a power queen who loves the roar of a jet engine against my clit… I’ve been spoiled with the Doxy and Hitachi wands) and is made from quality materials. I’ve been pretty fond of We-Vibe and their toys for awhile now, even if a toy hasn’t been 100% my thing, I feel pretty comfortable recommending them to people… because I know that the toys are quality and its usually just something nitpicky that I don’t like… but I like the We-Vibe Moxie, it’s a lot of fun! I mostly enjoy the “public” aspect of the toy and its not really something I chose to use at home… when I’m at home, I usually reach for more powerful (and louder… the Moxie is surprisingly quiet… which is perfect for public play) wands. It is without a doubt the best wearable vibrator I’ve tried… but the bar has been set pretty low… I haven’t tried a lot of quality wearables. So if you are like me and pretty inexperienced with the whole “panty” vibe thing… I bet you’ll be equally as impressed with the Moxie as I have been.

Ready to pick yourself up a We-Vibe Moxie? You can grab one straight from We-Vibe! Bonus: you get free shipping with any order over $50! Who doesn’t love free shipping… you wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve added hundreds of dollars worth of stuff to an online shopping cart and then exited out of the whole order because it estimated my shipping at like $5… NO THANK YOU MA’AM! So… YAY FREE SHIPPING!

The We-Vibe Moxie was provided to me free of charge by We-Vibe in exchange for my honest review.

It’s gettin’ hot in herrrrre (so hot), so take off all your clothes. I am, gettin’ so hot, I wanna take my clothes off!

That song has been permanently stuck in my head since high school. Its also the first thing that comes to mind when I start thinking about the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration. Because my brain works in song lyrics… which makes having conversations with people hard sometimes… because they will end a sentence with a word that triggers a song lyric for me and I have to bite my tongue and stop myself from just busing out into song. For example… “Look over there!” and my response wants to be something like… “There is a castle on a cloud…” I’m a strange person, but its cool… who wants to be normal?

ANYWAY…

Satisfyer has really been churning out the toys lately, holy-moly! So a month or two (or three or five… I don’t know… I have a hard time processing the passage of time) ago I received a box full of Satisfyer toys… like 7 or 8 toys… a whole mess of insertsble vibrators (which I will get around to reviewing once I’ve caught up on other work… I am buried under an avalanche of sex toys). But while I love myself a good vibrator… what I was actually hoping for in that box of Satisfyer goodies was some of their penis toys. Not long ago I had my Stunt Cock test out the Satisfyer Men and he has some mixed feelings about it… it wasn’t a total bomb, but he definitely had some strong opinions on some of it’s features. Shortly after I posted that review I saw that Satisfyer had introduced the Satisfyer Men Vibration and the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration… the shapes were different (and the shape of the Satisfyer Men was one of Stunt Cocks issues) and… well… the whole heat thing was pretty intriguing… and I just really like dabbling in penis toys… they are weirdly exciting for me… even though I am without a penis myself. It must be that whole “the grass is always greener” deal… because I can’t personally use a penis toy… they are that much more alluring. So, yeah… I was bummed that I had a box full of vibrators and not a single penis toy among them… but sensing my sadness (or maybe just the fact that I requested this toy specifically from them), SheVibe sent along their own box containing a Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibrations… HOORAY! My heroes!

Before we go any further though… I just want to say this: Not all men have penises and not all penises belong to men. I just need to throw that out there. I don’t really understand the needless gendering of these masturbators. I feel like this kind of marketing is going to make Trans and non-binary feel excluded or invisible. So, please know that every time I have to type out Satisfyer Men, I do so with a heavy eye roll. If you have a Penis, man or not… this toy is for you… even with its dumb name. And maybe… eventually… if we say this enough… Satisfyer (and other companies) will jump on board and do away with gendered sex toy names.

Okay, so, I thought the Satisfyer Men (the clunky black and blue version I reviewed earlier) was pretty sporty looking, but the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration is like of the sporty Satisfyer Men got a makeover and bought a well-fitting suit. I think that it is much more modern looking, dare I say even classy, and I’m into it. It’s maybe not as beautifully minimalist as the Tenga masturbators… but it’s coming in a solid second in the my masturbator beauty contest. Maybe I could have scored it higher if it didn’t look so much like a travel coffee mug to me. I do appreciate that it is far less clunky that the previous Satisfyer Men and Fleshlights… heck… even some of the Tenga toys get a little awkward to hold (like the Flip Zero). The Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration is compact, easy to hold (again… to me it feels like I’m holding a travel coffee mug) and reasonably light weight.

So the outer shell of the travel coffee mug… err… I mean Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration is made from ABS plastic while the inner… penis chamber (Fuck hole? Dick door? Cock cavity?) is made from squishy, velvety silicone. That is one thing the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration has going for it that both Tenga and Fleshlight masturbators don’t have… silicone innards. Size wise this is about a 12 oz coffee mug. But don’t put coffee in it… because it’s not a coffee mug… although… with the heat feature… it would be the world’s best travel mug. But it’s a sex toy, so it’s sex toy measurements are in inches… not ounces… although now I want to know how many ounces of cum this toy will hold. The whole toy measures in at 5.5 inches long (see, its about the size of a coffee mug) and about 10 inches around (I found it pretty easy to grip). This is definitely not a toy for someone who likes deep penetration, as it has just about 2.75 inches worth of penetrable depth. The mouth of the toy (or entrance if you prefer) is roughly 1.5 inches wide. According to my Stunt Cock, he thinks this will work best for either people with smaller penises and people who prefer to keep their stimulation up near the head and care less about having the whole shaft stimulated during masturbation.

So the heat function is what really drew me to this toy… sure, I don’t have a penis of my own to enjoy it with… so I had to enlist a Stunt Cock to let me know if it’s as cool as I really want it to be. The Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration has three heat levels, topping out at 104 degrees Fahrenheit (so just a bit warmer than body temperature…like… a high-grade fever…). It took me a few tries to sort out how to turn on the heat… because who has time for instruction manuals? I did figure it out though… and its not at all complicated… unless you are doing it in the dark while watching Schitts Creek like I was. So, on the body of the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration is a control panel with four buttons set into it. The very bottom of these buttons (or I suppose the top button, if you have the toy on your penis and are looking down at it) is the temp control button (it looks like a thermometer). I found that it was kind of hard to tell if the heating function was actually on or not… I was imagining that the button would light up to indicated that it was doing its job… but the temp button just flashed red at me and my instinct is that when a light is flashing red at me… something is going very wrong. I kept clicking the button… thinking that the flashing light must mean that its somehow on standby or something… but it just kept blinking… so I waited… and waited… then actually forgot what I was doing… then remembered… and when I looked back down at the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration I noticed that the light had gone solid. So, using my Sherlockian powers of deduction, I have concluded that it blinks while it is heating… then goes solid red when its reached the desired temperature.. So… if the red light is blinking at you… don’t panic… apparently it is supposed to do that… just be patient. I feel like that could have been designed better. I also can’t really discern if there is a way to tell which of the three temperatures you are set to. Also the (+) blinks red with the temp button… so I can’t tell if somehow that button is also involved in controlling the heat… or if its just caught up in the whole thing… an innocent bystander. The instructions are also super unclear about all this… because all the instructions contain are some pictures… which don’t really explain whats going on here. As near as I can figure… continuing to press the temperature button must somehow increase the heat… but I’m not sure how you can tell. Also… when you are done with the toy, you have to remember to also turn off the heat function. We turned off the power button and just assumed the whole toy was off… I wandered about the house for a bit doing this and that… then returned to the bedroom to see that the red light was still on… it was still hot… whoops. I don’t know if it has any kind of fail-safe function… if it reaches a point where the toy says “hey… I’ve been on a really long time… I bet these bozos forgot to turn me off” and then it turns itself off. Or if it will just continue heating until it burns your whole house down. So… just to be safe… when you are done with the toy… remember to check that the heating function is also off.

The Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration also has the ability to… vibrate (duh).  The vibrations are controlled on that same control panel we just discussed above. There is a power button (that looks just as you would expect a power button to look), you press and hold that and the toy will start vibrating. Using the (+) and (-) buttons will raise and lower the intensity of the vibrations. The Satisfyer website boasts that the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration has 70 vibration patterns… which sounded like a crazy large number of patterns and I could tell you  immedietly I would have no patience for clicking through them all. After handling the toy… I see what they mean… what is actually happening is that there are 7 intensities and 10 different pattern modes. You can set each of the 10 patterns to each of the 7 intensities… and assuming my math is correct (which I know it is… I used a calculator just be be sure… because I don’t trust myself… even when multiplying by 10) 7 x 10 = 70. So even though 70 sounds super impressive… its really not as impressive when you realize what it means. BUT having said that, it is cool that you can find a pattern you like then set it to an intensity you like. More often than not, the reason I hate many patterns on vibrators is that they tend to be weak… if I had the option to ramp up the intensity on patterns I find tolerable, I might enjoy patterns slightly more. When I insert my fingers into the toy, I would say that the vibrations are pretty mid-range, and I feel like the vibrations are more buzzy than anything. Buzzy isn’t always a bad thing… more of a preference thing. If you are looking for a masturbator with a strong, rumble… this is not it.

One more thing, while we are talking about the Satisfyers two man features. It is possible to enjoy the heat without adding the vibration (or the vibrations without the heat). Or maybe you are the kind of person who likes to plan ahead, you can turn on the temp button and have the toy warming before you are ready to masturbate. It seems to heat up to full temperature in about five-ish minutes or so, so you don’t have too long to wait for a warm toy. ALSO… I just had a brilliant idea… you could pair the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration with the

Also, while we are still kind of on the topic of buttons… I don’t like the buttons on this toy. They are smooth and flat… I like my buttons to be raised up so I can feel them. When I am fumbling around with my toy either in the dark or while attending to other things… I like to be able to just run my fingers along the buttons and feel where each button is. You can’t do that with this toy. You have to physically look down at it to sort the button situation out. Not a great feature, especially if any of your users are visually impaired. They are also kind of hard to press, I end up having to dig my nails into the buttons, they just seem really stiff. So, I really think the button panel should be readdressed if any future models of this toy were to come out.  Touch Lube Warmer and have yourself the toastiest masturbation session ever. Perfect for the dead of winter. Just think how pampered your penis could be… heated lube… headed toy… as someone who is always cold… I am already pretty jealous of these theoretically warmed and pampered penises.

So, the big question… how did my Stunt Cock like it? Well… he didn’t… not really. His first big issue with the toy is that he has just a slightly above average penis as far as girth goes… so inserting himself into the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration was not easy. It took a lot of lube (lots and lots) and a little bit of force to get himself inside… which didn’t make it the most comfortable experience for him. Even with the super plushness of the inner silicone, there just wasn’t enough give for him to comfortably get his penis all the way inside.  He also kept accidentally turning the toy off, because he couldn’t feel where the buttons where and he would end up gripping the buttons and turning it off… or changing the vibration setting… so as I said above… that button panel needs some serious revamping. He was pretty “meh” about the vibrations as well… my Stunt Cock isn’t the biggest fan of vibrating toys, but occasionally he will find one that really does it for him… this wasn’t it though. He didn’t hate the vibrations, but he wasn’t wowed by them either. They were neither adding nor taking away from his masturbatory experience. One thing he didn’t mind though was the heating feature, he said it was nice and that he might really enjoy it on a cold day. Sadly, zero orgasms where achieved using this toy though, after a good 20 minutes of cramming himself into it he gave up and finished off using Rosie Palm and her five sisters.

At this point, I just don’t think that I can recommend the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration. My Stunt Cock doesn’t exactly hate it… but he didn’t really have a whole lot of good to say about it either. He was really pretty non-committal about a lot of it… which just doesn’t make it sound like a winning toy in my book. I am super bummed about this, I really wanted him to love this toy… because I love Satisfyer… and I want Satisfyer to make toys that penis users love just as much as I love my suction based (or I guess I should say Air Pressure Wave) toys! Despite what my Stunt Cock says, I really do think this masturbator could work for a very specific set of people. I think if your penis was exactly the right size for this toy you might have a very different experience. So if you believe you penis to have a smaller than average girth, you might be alright giving this toy a try and you might just love it. But so far, in this house, we are 0 for 2 on the Satisfyer Men products… and I can pretty much already tell you what the verdict will be on the Satisfyer Men Vibration I picked up as well (hint: it will pretty much be this review minus the heating feature… but maybe we will be pleasantly surprised…).

Still think you want to give the Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration a try? You can pick one up from the very awesome people at SheVibe! Or you can pick up any number of other Satisfyer products… ones that work better than this masturbator!

The Satisfyer Men Heat and Vibration was provided to me free of charge by SheVibe in exchange for my honest review. 

Just when I think I’ve done it all and there can’t possibly be anything left out there in the sex toy world that is new and thrilling… I receive something in the mail that reminds me that I am not even close to having tried it all. SheVibe is the latest company to remind me just how much of a sex toy baby I really am… There are still heaps and heaps of things left out there for me to try! I can see you wondering just what wild, crazy and totally off the wall product did they send me this time!? A massage candle. Oh, don’t look so disappointed… I know how basic that sounds… and yet… somehow… I HAVE NEVER TRIED ONE! I was a massage candle virgin before this… The Olivia’s Boudoir Tuxedo Luxury Massage Candle took my massage candle cherry… and I am not at all upset by this.

So for real, I have never tried a massage candle before… so I had no idea what to expect. I mean… sure… I’ve watched a Yankee Candle melt and then poured wax on my hands… because who doesn’t do that? But I’ve never tried an actual massage candle with wax meant for your skin. I’ve never used a massage candle while having myself a grand ol’ sexy time with a partner. This candle was uncharted territory for me… but I was super excited to give it a go. After all… I’ve always been a fan of pouring household candles onto my skin and peeling the dried wax off… so this is bound to be just like that, right? Well… it wasn’t like that at all… for starters… Yankee Candles always left my skin red and itchy (something this massage candle definitely does not do)… also, the Olivia’s Boudoir Candle doesn’t dry into a hard wax on your skin… its all oily and delightful. If you are looking for the kind of candle that does dry on hard, you need to be looking for a wax play candle as opposed to a massage candle.

I should note, I have super sensitive skin. I get contact rashes from so many things… laundry soap… people’s perfumes… hand soaps… surface cleaners… you name it, its probably given me a rash. So I was a little leery of this massage candle… mostly because I am not 100% sure what is contained in it. There isn’t really an ingredients list to it. I mean, the outer packaging does say that it contains soy, coconut, and olive oils… but is that it? I mean… if that is all that is in these candles, that’s pretty amazing.  But I feel like there must be something else… okay, I’ll admit now that I know nothing of candle making or massage oils… or massage candles… but I feel like if it was made up of only oils… it wouldn’t harden… so there must be some kind of wax or something in this candle, right? Although, I do have a jar of coconut oil in my pantry and as long as the weather isn’t hot… it stays in a firm, non-liquid state. Or perhaps the soy listed in the ingredients isn’t an oil, but rather soy wax? I DON’T KNOW! I am mystified. So, please tell me if I’m wrong… like I said, I know literally nothing about this kind of stuff! I sent an email to Olivia’s Boudoir to find out the full ingredients list, but as of publishing this review, I haven’t heard back. But… I have used the massage candle a few times now and so far, no rashes. No itching, no red bumps… nothing. So, whatever they are using, it is gentle enough for my angry skin!

One of the first things I do with any candle is bury my nose in it and take a great big inhale (which sometimes results in nasty headaches… but the scent of this candle seems pretty docile). I love how the Tuxedo Massage Candle smells… absolutely love it. It isn’t at all overpowering, which was one thing I was worried about… I didn’t want to walk into a room after using the massage oil and have everyone turn to look at me… because they could smell me before they could see me. I’ve just thought of something, so because it has a scent this candle must have essential oils of one type or another mixed in. Essential oils do have the potential of disagreeing with some folks (like my sister… she turns red if there are essential oils in her lotions)… so that is something that isn’t being disclosed on the packaging. I did search Olivia’s Boudoir’s website and did find that the Tuxedo scent is made up of Italian Bergamot, Sandalwood and Musk. This explains why I’m so in love with this scent, I loooooove all things Bergamot. Which… reminds me of a song… (because everything reminds me of a song)… The Fine Art of Poisoning by Jill Tracy

A pleasant parlor gathering
Quicksilver concealed in a ruby ring
Two lumps or three?
I have always adored bergamot tea.

But don’t worry, this massage candle wont poison you. Probably. I mean… I’m still alive, so I am going to assume it is poison free. But until I see a full ingredients list… Its really anyone’s guess.

My first time using the candle… it was not easy to light. Here I am trying to be all sexy and set up some ambiance… but I can’t get the damn candle to light. It took me seven matches before I finally got the wick to catch fire. The wick came to me suuuuper short… I ended up melting away some of the oil with the other lit matches just to uncover enough of the wick in order to get it lit. It was a bit frustrating… and awkward… and reminded me of some kind of horrible trick party candle that never lights and you are standing there in front of all your friends going through match after match, getting more and more embarrassed as all your dumb friends stand their grinning like god awful Cheshire Cats. Also… my candle didn’t stay lit for very long. The flame burned down into the pool of oil and extinguished. So I had to relight it… which took another three matches… and it burned… but hit the pool of oil and extinguished. Very frustrating and very time consuming. I’m not sure if this is just an issue with my particular candle of if all of Olivia’s Boudoir candles will behave in such a way. I am hoping that once I have melted away and used a more substantial chunk of it and have just a little bit more wick to work with, it wont be an issue for me anymore.

My frustrations with trying to light the candle aside… I actually really enjoyed my massage candle experience from start to finish. The candle itself comes in a lovely glass jar, which is thick, sturdy, and arrived nestled in a pretty, black cardboard cylinder. The outer packaging has a sticker on either side, backside sticker has a short blurb about the candle and how to use it, while the front contains the brand and product name. I really think it would make a wonderful gift. I can especially see giving this as a bridal shower gift, anniversary present, for Valentine’s Day or any other romantic holiday you choose to celebrate in your life. This candle is also not overtly sexy or sexual, so its also the kind of gift that I could see giving to a close friend whom you wish to pamper. Or a friend going through a rough patch who might need to take some time for a little self-care. While you may typically see a massage candle as being a partner activity, you most definitely can enjoy it solo as well. My first go-round with the Tuxedo Massage Candle was just me, my David Bowie Spotify playlist, and my ugly, ratty underpants that I refuse to throw away because they are the most comfortable pair I own. I lit the candle (after approximately 100 million tries…) and rubbed the warm oil into my arms, legs, neck, chest, and anywhere else I could reach on my own… it felt absolutely divine.

So, out of the cardboard packaging, the Tuxedo Massage Candle looks just like any other decorative candle I have lying around my house. The only bit of tell-tale evidence that marks this as a massage candle is a half dollar sized sticker with the same bit of branding as the outer packaging. If you really needed to keep your luxurious, massage candle habit a secret, you could easily peel away that sticker… and now it looks no different from any other candle you’ve picked up on clearance at Anthropologie (because honestly… who even pays for anything full price at that store? Not me.). Even with the sticker, I don’t think most people would think twice if they saw this candle just lying about your home… and even if they recognized it as a massage candle… who is really going to care?

Using the Tuxedo Massage Candle is pretty straight forward. First light the candle (I’m going to assume you are much more adept at candle lighting than me and got it on the first match), then allow the candle to melt to the outer edge of the glass, when your desired amount of oil has melted, extinguish the flame and you are ready to rock and roll! The best piece of advice I can offer for this is after you’ve blown out the flame… give it just a second to cool slightly. I made the mistake of pouring the oil immediately onto my skin and it burned for a moment or two. Although, maybe you like the burn… maybe that’s what you’re into… I don’t judge. But, I’m a weenie who doesn’t like extreme temperatures in either direction (I’m the person who complains its too cold all winter then I enjoy about one week in the spring, then complain its too hot until its winter again), so if you are like me… give this just a second or two to cool (but don’t wait so long it hardens back up) before you drizzle onto yourself or your partner. Once you have made oil to skin contact, the rest should be pretty self explanatory… just start rubbing. I am not the worlds greatest masseuse (heck, I can’t even spell masseuse… I just typed letters until spell check knew what I was trying to say), but with a high quality massage oil… it almost didn’t even matter… I just rubbed and the warm, slippery liquid did its thing. As long as my hands were moving, the massage was working. I really love the way the oil feels on my skin and actually… it doesn’t really feel like how I expected an oil to feel… it felt thicker to me, like… mostly melted butter. It isn’t completely slippery, my hands don’t just slip and slide across my skin, there is a bit more drag to it… but it feels good. In the past, my go-to massage “oil” was actually the Butters Lube… it works pretty well, but soaks into my skin really fast… but I’ve always enjoyed when my Stunt Cock gave me a back massage using it… but now that I have tried warm, melty, deliciously scented massage oil… the whole massage experience feels so much more elevated… like… I feel like a classier sort of bitch for just owning this candle. I can never go back to using just Butters Lube for massages! I’ve been spoiled!

I am also a pretty big fan of the smell it leaves behind on my skin. And it is a pretty lasting smell, I used some of the oil earlier this afternoon and the wafting smell of “Tuxedo” (aka bergamot, sandalwood, and musk) is still with me here at 8 pm. Its reasonably subtle and you would have to get pretty close to me to smell it… and even when you do smell it… its not like that person in the office who wears too much perfume and you can tell which direction they are coming and going by the overpowering smell of Midnight Fantasy Britney Spears. I’m pretty sure we have all worked with that person. This oil will not make you that person. It is a much more delicate and earthy smell. But scents are such a personal thing… I could sit here and tell you all day long how great this smell is… but its really hard to know unless you are able to smell it for yourself. As soon as they invite smell-o-vision for the internet, I’ll upload a whiff ASAP.

I do have one tiny complaint though. My biggest issue with the Olivia’s Boudoir Tuxedo Massage Candle (besides my inability to light it on the first try) is that the oil gets caught around the lip of the jar making it difficult to pour out with any kind of precision. I make a dribbling mess down the side of my fancy jar, and don’t always hit my target as I’m pouring it out. I wanted to pour the oil out onto just my forearm… but what I got was oil down my forearm and also inner-thigh and the corner of my chair. I would have loved to have seen a bit of a spout added to one side of the jar… something to help with a more controlled pour. Sure, adding a spout to the jar would make it less discreet… but again I say to you… no one is judging you for your candle. Also… honestly, I’ve seen decorative candles in every manner of jar, bottle, and oddly shaped container… it’s called art, Karen.

Overall though, I have to say I had a very pleasant experience with Olivia’s Boudoir Tuxedo Massage candle. So much so that I think I will be snagging a candle in a couple of their other scents, I’m especially intrigued by the Rose Petals version (I looooove all things rose scented). I can 100% recommend this candle if you are looking to try out (or just looking for a new) massage candle. The oil feels good on my skin, it makes my skin feel softer and more hydrated after using it. It feels good going on and I am a big fan of the smell. I wish I had a little more certainty about the ingredients, but I am going to guess that this is a paraben and preservative free product, but if I hear otherwise, I will update this review. So, go ahead, get this for yourself! Or a friend! Or your favorite, overworked Veterinarian! Everyone deserves a little bit of luxury in their life!

Ready to spoil yourself (or someone else) with a Olivia’s Boudoir Tuxedo Massage Candle? You can pick up the Tuxedo scent, along with Pink Cashmere, Rose Petals, and Caribbean Mist from my friends at SheVibe!

The Olivia’s Boudoir Tuxedo Luxury Massage Candle was provided to me free of charge by SheVibe in exchange for my honest review. 

And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you’re going to fall
Tell ’em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call

Whenever I look at, think about, or use the Tantus Hookah, I instantly have that Jefferson Airplane song stuck in my head… where it remains for hours and hours… long after I’ve finished with the Tantus Hookah… I suppose as far as ear worms go, this song isn’t the worst thing I could get stuck in my head. No… the worst thing I could have stuck in my head is Baby Shark… which I’ve had stuck in my head on more than one occasion… and I know all the words… and they just play on an endless loop inside my head…shudder… Maybe the cure for Baby Shark is masturbating with the Tantus Hookah? A few good thrusts with the Hookah and… Go ask Alice, when she’s ten feet tall… 

I am definitely getting strong Alice in Wonderland vibes off this dildo… Okay, I just quickly went to check the Tantus product description for the Hookah and BAM there is an Alice and Wonderland quote right there… so I guess my suspicioins about the Hookah are correct… this dildo does seem to be paying homage to Absolem, the hookah smoking caterpillar that Alice meets during her travels in Wonderland. I love a good I TOLD YOU SO moment. The design of the Tantus Hookah is delightfully fun and perfectly whimsical. If there was a Wonderland Sex Toy Boutique, this is exactly the sort of toy I would imagine them selling. The Wonderland Sex Shop no doubt is run by the Mad Hatters cousin… the… Horny Eroticist. The Tantus Hookah is a textured silicone dildo that seems to either take the shape of the wise (yet befuddling) caterpillar… or a curling, swirling puff of his hookah smoke… I can’t really decide on which shape it is. Maybe its both? It can be both… why not… this is Wonderland after all!

I am exactically three inches high, and it is a very good height indeed!” Okay, I am actually rather disappointed that the Tantus Hookah isn’t exactly (or should I say exactically) three inches high… I would have enjoyed that nod to the caterpillar… sure, I wouldn’t have been annoyed that it wasn’t bigger while using it… but the literary nod would have been fantastic. The Tantus Hookah has somewhat larger measurements (although, isn’t that the way in Wonderland… you take a nibble of mushroom and suddenly you are much larger than you really ought to be), with an insertable length of 5.6 inches (total length of around 6 inches) and a diameter of 1.9 inches. The Hookah also features a flared base, making it an excellent choice for anal use or a fun for strap on use! Imagine the Alice in Wonderland role play you can do with the Hookah inserted into a harness! Oh my gosh… I now need a blue dress… a white pinafore… and a blonde wig… with my Tantus Hookah poking out coyly from underneath.

Okay, I know above I said I wished that the Hookah was only three inches tall… that was me just being a snob and a show off. My vagina and I are actually quite grateful for its current size. The Hookah measures in with a total length of 6 inches and an insertable length of 5.6 inches. Girth-wise the Hookah has a respectable max diameter of 1.9 inches. Its a perfectly chubby-wubby caterpillar.  Now, whether you believe them to be puffs of smoke or the segments of a caterpillars body… those three pronounced body bumps are what really sell the Hookah to me. No only do they give me that perfect feeling of fullness when inserted, but each bump gives that satisfying POP that I get from toys with prominent mushroom shaped heads. But because there are three of these bumps (each one bigger than the next) it is like a parade of prominent mushroom heads… POP… POP… POP! There is no smooth shaft section to this dildo… it is all textured bumps! I think that this will make it a rather polarizing dildo… I feel like you are either going to love it or you are going to hate it… I have a hard time seeing any middle ground with this toy. It wasn’t a dildo I could thrust wildly with, this is more of a take it slow and easy dildo… savor each bump as it slides in and then back out. It also makes an excellent clenching dildo, I just insert it fully, let my vagina take the wheel and use my hands to stimulate my clit or nipples or wherever.

I attempted to use this dildo anally, because it looks like it would make a positively delicious anal dildo… but I couldn’t get past the second swirly cloud bump. I mean… I guess I could have tried to warm up more… but I am impatient and don’t have time for that (I WANT EVERYTHING AND I WANT IT NOW). But even just taking half the dildo felt amazing… holy cow. Generally, I tend to stick to smoother, straighter, less exciting dildos for butt fun… but something about the Hookah was really calling to me… I could hear it whispering “put me in your ass…” I think its something I am going to try again… but when I have more time to really devout to taking it slow and easy… I really think this could be a winner in the anal department.

Caring for the Tantus Hookah is super easy. Since it is made from Tantus’ super excellent silicone material all you need to do is drop it in some boiling water, throw it in the dishwasher (no soap), run it under the tap, or take a 10% bleach solution to it… silicone dildos are awesome… because there is almost no wrong way to clean it! I thought the swirlies were going to be a pain in the ass to clean, but not as much gunk got caught up in the grooves as I thought. I had to give it a bit of a scrub with my finger, but I did not have to break out the dildo cleaning toothbrush.

If you’ve been reading my blog for long, you know I love a foot fantasy dildo. But usually fantasy dildos are dragons, unicorns, aliens, or monsters… I am 100% here for a literary fantasy toy. The book nerd in me is squealing… Alice in Wonderland was one of my favorite books in elementary school and it holds a special place in my heart. I can whole-heartedly recommend the Tantus Hookah. I mean… it’s made by Tantus… so what is not to enjoy? Their toys are always top notch in design and quality. The Hookah is definitely for a person who likes a lot of texture and really likes the feeling of fullness. I also am convinced this would be an excellent dildo for anal play… but probably for someone a little more experienced at it… probably not a dildo I would recommend to an anal newbie. Also, if Punk Rock Pink is not your favorite color the Tantus Hookah is also available in a very spiffy Rockabilly Blue (Why the music themed names? Why not Alice in Wonderland themed color names?)… obviously, the Punk Rock Pink is what is pictured in this review. Its a lovely, vibrant pink, I am a fan.

Ready to pick up a Tantus Hookah of your very own? Well, the good news is that you don’t have to travel through the looking glass to get it, just hop on over to SheVibe and they can hook you right up!

The Tantus Hookah was provided to me free of charge by SheVibe in exchange for my honest review.

It seems like both Womanizer and Satisfyer have realized they are onto something with their “suction based” (I know its not really suction exactly… I just never know what to call it…) toys so they have tried to take that winning idea and jam it into as many toys as possible. Some of these toys are awesome… and some of them have just been complete missteps (like the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit for example… that is a toy that didn’t need to be made). So when I saw Womanizer had introduced the Womanizer Duo I was equal parts excited (because I do love me some faux suction) and skeptical (it has an insertable arm… this could end badly). Lucky for me, Betty’s Toy Box stepped in with an offer to send one to me… so I could stop wondering and find out for myself if the Duo is a Womanizer DO or a Womanizer DON’T.

At first glance, the Duo seems to be almost identical to the Womanizer InsideOut. I’ve never actually used the InsideOut, but going off of visuals… they looks like almost the same toy to me. I could try to research this and find out more… like… is the Duo just a new and improved version of the InsideOut? Is Womanizer just being lazy trying to pass the Duo off as a completely different toy… hoping we wouldn’t the similarities? Have I been transported to an alternate reality and what I know as the Womanizer InsideOut, the people in this realty know as the Womanizer Duo? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS! I also have zero patience for finding out any answers… today has been a very limited “spoons” day and I am using up at least half my spoons just writing this review. If I find the energy… I’ll return to this. But right now, what I can tell you is that the Duo is ever so slightly larger than the InsideOut and has a somewhat  longer vibrating arm with a more bulbous head that makes it look more suited to g-spotting than the InsideOut. Right now… I’m inclined to believe that the Duo is just an improved version of the InsideOut. But this really is neither here nor there… but it was an observation I had… and I needed to share it with you, because I love you. And also, if you already own an InsideOut… do you need a Duo? Are they similar enough that one cancels out the other?

At second glance, I was like… whoa… the Womanizer Duo has a lot of buttons. Like… a lot of buttons. Too many buttons… so many buttons that it took me a full day to figure out how to turn this thing on. For real, I push and held every button I could find on the front of the toy, including one button that I thought was a button, but actually isn’t a button, it’s just the Womanizer logo. So I figured… “okay, the toy didn’t arrive with any charge, no problem… I’ll plug it in and go to bed.” When I woke up, I press and held all of those buttons again… and still it would not turn on. At this point I figured “oh great… I got a dud.” But after turning it over in my hands a few times trying to figure this thing out, I noticed a little power button on the bottom of the toy… I don’t know what that power button did to the rest of the buttons to deserve being banished to the underside of the toy… but it must have been bad.

Once you find all of the buttons, operating the Duo isn’t as hard as all of those buttons make it look. So the Duo comes equipped with six buttons (I know… I still think that is far too many buttons), including the power button found at the bottom side of the toy (and not including the Womanizer logo that looks like it should be a button… and why that faux button isn’t the power button… I’ll never know). Also… even though I am complaining of SO MANY BUTTONS… I can’t imagine the Duo functioning any better with less buttons… like… yeah… there are a lot of buttons to contend with… but each of those buttons has an important job to do. To turn the Duo on, press the button on the underside briefly and the Womanizer will be on. Nothing happens when you turn the Duo on though, it doesn’t suddenly spring to life… when you turn the Duo on it goes to stand-by mode… where it is on, it’s just not doing anything. You can tell its on by the faint white light emitting from the stimulator head (the clit hole). Okay, now, the button that looks like a sprinkling of little dots controls the vibration patterns, pressing this will cycle you through the Duo’s ten vibration patterns. The button that looks like… I don’t know… sound waves? The stacked circles button… that one increases the intensity for the clitoral stimulation the (-) button paired with it lowers the intensity. The other button… which looks like… a mound? A mound with movement lines? Whatever it is, that button increases the intensity for the vibrator and the (-) button paired with it will lower the intensity.

So the Womanizer Duo has a (neat?) feature called Smart Silence. What this means is that the Womanizer is only active when you actually have your clit placed inside the stimulator head (or if you place any kind of pressure on the silicone stimulator head… I can activate it by touching my finger to the outside of the head). I found this feature confusing at first… because I didn’t know it was a thing… so again, I thought my Womanizer was either broken or out of charge… it wasn’t until I realized that every time I touched the head… the toy sprung to life… that I knew something was up. So, I finally grudgingly opened up the instruction manual… admitting that this toy was too complicated for me to just figure out by mashing buttons and trial and error. Womanizer’s instruction manual says this feature is to make enjoying the Duo more discreet… but I don’t see how me yelling “WHY THE HELL DID YOU STOP” every few seconds is discreet. It is kind of handy I suppose when I pull the toy away to take a breather that it stops going… but I see this more as a battery saving function rather than it being discreet. But maybe that’s only because I don’t worry a whole heck of a lot about being discreet in my house… so I just don’t see it in that way. Its an interesting function nonetheless. Also, if you want nothing to do with this setting, it is possible to turn Smart Silence off completely. To turn it off, hold down the two buttons that control the clitoral stimulator for two seconds, if you wish to turn the Smart Silence feature back on, just repeat this step. Easy-peasy.

It is possible to use the just the vibrating arm or just the clitoral stimulator all on its own… you don’t have to use both at the same time. When you first turn the toy on, both features will activate, but if you decide you only want to warm up with the vibrating arm, simply press the (-) button associated with the clitoral stimulator and it will shut down. The same goes for if you want to enjoy just the clitoral stimulator, just use the minus button associated with the vibrating arm and you are free to focus only on your clit. Both halves will always turn on at the lowest setting.

I know, I know… I keep harping on these damn buttons… but I just have one last thing to say about them… I promise. When I’ve got the toy inserted and the clitoral stimulator in place… it is really difficult for me to control the buttons. I fumbled around a lot, changing settings I didn’t mean to be changing… I would awkwardly hit the pattern button when I was trying to turn up the intensity of the vibrator… or I would up the intensity of the clit sucker as I was trying to lower the vibration intensity… it was chaos. All heck really broke loose between my legs. The first time I used it I accidentally cranked the clitoral stimulation up, because I fumbling for the vibration intensity button and I have a very strong and confusing orgasm… my clit was all OH SHIT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! And I was all I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! So I feel like the Womanizer Duo might be the sort of toy that could benefit from having some kind of wireless remote.

All my button talk aside, I actually really, really, like the Womanizer Duo. It is no where near as disappointing as the Satisfyer Rabbit ended up being… I had absolutely no issues with positioning with the Duo, once I had it situated around my clit, the insertable arm found my G-spot and did its thing. Also, this is probably one of the few toys where I actually really enjoyed the vibration patterns. There was something really satisfying about having the clitoral stimulator going while the vibrations hammered away in various rhythmic patterns. This is one of the rare times where having it set to a constant intensity didn’t work for me… when I had it set to a constant intensity, the vibrations kind of got lost to me… everything blended together and I had a hard time differentiating between the vibrations and the suction (or not suction… I still don’t really understand what this magic actually is). The vibrations don’t seem to be wildly strong , but they maintain a really good rumble throughout all of its intensity levels (which there are 12 of). I hate describing the strength of a vibrator, because my idea of strong is really strong (like, Magic Wand strong), but if you are asking for my opinon (which it seems you are, since you are here) I would call the strength of the Duo a mid-range vibrator…maybe skirting that upper range one its twelfth setting. It was adequate enough for my to orgasm with… that’s really all that matters. Although… I’m not sure if the vibrator on its own would bring me to orgasm… I need something extra powerful if I’m going to orgasm internally only without a thrusting motion… so the attention my clit was getting definitely played a part. But, I really enjoyed turning the vibrator off and enjoying just the clit stimulation… then backing the intensity of that way down and ramping up the vibrations… there was just a lot I could do with this toy and I enjoyed it. As for the “pleasure air technology,” of the clitoral stimulator… it has twelve intensities of its own. Although I do not need that many… I get to around 4 or 5 and my clit is already begging for mercy. It does not take much for me to orgasm with that part of the toy… holy cow.

The Womanizer Duo is rechargeable. I’m not a big fan of its charging set up, it comes with magnetic charging cable… but its the worst. The magnet does not have a very strong grip and I was constantly knocking it loose as I was going about my business at my desk. I also don’t like how there are no external lights to let me know that it is charging… the only indicator light is the light inside the clitoral stimulator hole… which means I had to carefully lift the toy up to see if the light was blinking or not… which usually just resulted in me knocking the charging cable off. For what is otherwise a very solidly designed toy… the charging mechanic is quite the let down. I have no idea how long it takes to charge the Duo to full, as when I first plugged it in… I had no idea if it was charging or if it reached full… because I had not yet realized that there was a light inside the opening of the toy and as of yet, I haven’t run it out of battery to test the charge time again. So… it does seem to have pretty good battery life, I’ve gotten a lot of use out of it so far on the one charge I did give it!

The Duo also came with a fancy-schmancy storage back with a tassel. Everything is straight up classier if it has a tassel on it. Although, as nice as the included bag is, I will just continue to store my Duo in the box it arrived in, because that is lovely, sturdy box. I’m the kind of person who prefers to keep things in their original packaging if at all possible… so I am always thrilled when a toy comes with such a stellar box. It’s got a little ribbon to slide the drawer out of the outer box… and little compartments for the cable and the storage bag and instruction manual… and a molded storage next for the Duo itself… I’m going to orgasm just thinking about a properly organize sex toy storage solution.

I suppose we can classify this as a rabbit style vibrator… even if it looks like some kind of internal organ (especially in this deep red color it comes in)… which makes my recommendation of it all the more impressive… because I rarely find a rabbit style vibrator I feel comfortable recommending. I think I can count on one hand the number of rabbit vibrators I’ve enjoyed and felt confident recommending to people. I had really good luck with the size and shape of the Duo, the clitoral arm was just the right length and sat perfectly against my G-spot, while the clitoral portion did its job and sat directly on my clit. I had to do very little fussing with it in order to set it up properly… and that is just huge (normally with rabbits I can either get the clit part to sit right or the insertable part to sit right… but never both at the same time). If you are hoping for a toy you can thrust with, this is absolutely not it. Once you have the arm inserted, it isn’t moving… because if you try to pull it away or move it around, the clitoral stimulator is going to come loose… and if you have the Smart Silence on… your toy will shut itself down… this is just in no way a thrusting toy. It is a set it and forget it… clench around it and enjoy sort of toy. The buttons are a little confusing to operate when I can’t see them… but the end result more than makes up for my awkward fumbling… it gave me plenty of good orgasms. Now I really want to get a hold of the Womanizer InsideOut to see if what (if any) the difference is! But as it stands, I 100% can recommend the Womanizer Duo! Oh… and if you aren’t into the deep red (or “Bordeaux” as they call it), the Womanizer Duo is also available in a classic Black (for all your Goth orgasm needs).

Ready to bring a Womanizer Duo home? Click on over to Betty’s Toy Box and they will get one sent out to you ASAP! I love Betty’s Toy Box… they are great people and really worth supporting with your business! BONUS: Be sure to use the code KITTEN at checkout to score a 10% discount on the Womanizer Duo (or anything else you may want)!

The Womanizer Duo was provided to me free of charge by Betty’s Toy Box in exchange for my honest review.

Satisfyer has this habit of sending me boxes full of sex toys without any advance notice… like… I will just arrive home and there will be a box waiting for my on my front step. I instantly become super suspicious of any unexpected package waiting for me… because I watch a lot of shows like Criminal Minds and 911 and immediately assume its a mail bomb… or possibly a severed head (because I watched the movie Sev7n at a very impressionable age… so if a box isn’t a mail bomb, then it is 100% the severed head of Gwyneth Paltrow). Thankfully, nearly every mysterious package turns out to be a box full of sex toys from Satisfyer (and the rest of the time its weird shit I don’t remember ordering from Amazon). I know I shouldn’t be complaining… because hey, it’s free sex toys right? But… mysterious mail spikes my anxiety into overdrive… so a little heads up would be nice… but… I guess HOORAY for boxes full of vibrators!

So anyway, I opened up one of these MyStErY boxes and… oh for pete’s sake, not another rabbit vibrator. You know how I feel about rabbit vibrators… and if you don’t know… well… go read every one of my rabbit vibrator reviews… because I express my opinion on them FREQUENTLY.  This one doesn’t even have the decency to look like a rabbit. If you are going to continue to send me rabbit vibrators (the worst class of vibrators) you should at least make it look like an actual fucking rabbit. Seriously.  If you are going to force me to use an insertable vibrator with an external arm… it had better have two little bunny ears, a fuzzy-wuzzy cotton tail, and a set of cutesy-wutesy whiskers coming from its itty-bitty bunny-wunny nose! Besides… you can’t call yourself the Satisfyer Mister Rabbit and not look anything at all like a rabbit. With the title of MISTER RABBIT… I am expecting a rabbit… a classy rabbit… a classy-ass rabbit in a mutha-fucking bowtie! But is that what you gave me?! NO! Instead of an adorable rabbit… I just get a chubby arm. I can forgive most rabbits for being terrible… so long as they look like an adorable bunny (take the Rocks-Off Ramsey Rabbit for example… it is fucking terrible at its one job… but its adorable as fuck… so I love the stupid thing). The Satisfyer Mister Rabbit is the furthest thing from being adorable… so lets just hope it isn’t terrible… fingers crossed…

So… Satisfyer, as you know (at least you would know if you’ve been keeping up with my reviews… which I hope you have…) has been one of my favorite companies for awhile now. I have really enjoyed (with a few exceptions) their line of suction based toys (e.g. the Satisfyer Pro Traveler and the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation)… so I was somewhat excited to hear that Satisfyer was branching out into vibrators… although… I kept my expectations low… because they seemed to be pumping out A LOT of vibrators all at once… how on earth can you produce a quality vibrator if you are just cranking them out like… rabbits (haha… rabbit themed sex joke, I’m so funny). Also, I wasn’t super enthused with their suction/vibrator hybrids (like the monstrosity that is the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit…)… but maybe… just maybe… if they are concentrating on only the vibrating aspect, and not trying to cram the suction based gimmick onto everything… they will fair better. So… I guess you could say I was excited… but with a healthy amount of skepticism keeping me from getting my hopes too high.  At any rate, I really did I look forward to getting my hands on and testing one of their new vibrators. Lucky for me… one of Satisfyers patented MyStErY boxes showed up at my door… with not one… not two… BUT LIKE EVERY FRICKIN’ VIBRATOR THEY HAVE EVER MADE EVER… so I would get my wish (and then some). Also, it’s safe to say… stay tuned for like a million Satisfyer Vibrator reviews in the future!

Okay, yes…  yes… I can hear you saying “But Kitten! If you hate rabbit vibrators so much… why did you choose a rabbit vibrator as the first Satisfyer vibrator to test?! Clearly you had SO MANY others to choose from… I don’t understand!?” The answer to that is… I don’t fucking know. Seriously, I haven’t got a clue. Am I a glutton for punishment? Do I just like to whinge and whine? Do I secretly want to like rabbit vibrators… so I am riding across the kingdom, searching for my one true rabbit vibrator that is the perfect fit? Yes, probably all of the above. Or maybe I was just eager to get the worst vibrator out of the way first. Who knows… really, it was just the first one I grabbed from the box and I guess I just shrugged and thought “Sure, this works.” And off I went to masturbate without giving it a further though.

Okay, the whole it being a rabbit vibrator aside. I actually really like the look of this toy. I am especially fond of the design of the handle. The bottom of the Mister Rabbit is made with a bit of a loop… which makes it a great handle, I like that I can slip a finger or two through the loop… I just feel like I’m getting a better grip on the dildo that way. You don’t realize how necessary a good grip is until your hands are covered in lube…and things are slipping and sliding every which way. I am also a fan of the color… yes, I know its pink… and there are a number of you out there who can’t stand pink sex toys… but I can’t help it… I’ve always been a pink person (okay, not always, as a child I was totally against it… but I’ve embraced the pink as I’ve grown). At least this isn’t a sickly baby pink, it’s more of a vibrant magenta. Currently, pink is the only color the Mister Rabbit is available in… so if you are an anti-pink person, I’m sorry… but you can always masturbate in the dark! Another thing I’m enjoying about the Mister Rabbit is the silicone, it is super soft and very luxurious… I’m into it. Aesthetically speaking, this is an A+ vibrator.

But it can’t be all about the looks I’m afraid (unless you are shaped like an adorable animal, thing it 100% can be all about the looks). So, am I into how the Mister Rabbit works? Does it work?! Have I found the new Holy Grail of rabbit vibrators?! No… sadly I haven’t. BUT I don’t hate it. For me to not outright hate a rabbit vibrator… well that’s something. Mister Rabbit actually has a lot going for it… except for the being a rabbit part… that part is terrible (as expected). Once I inserted the toy, the arm was off doing its own thing… it felt like it was miles away from my clit, vibrating against the least sensitive area it could find. I ended up having to hold the external arm down onto my clit with my free hand to even make it work. So… as a rabbit… I am not recommending Mister Rabbit (unless you clit is placed higher up than mine is… then you might have more luck). HOWEVER… Mister Rabbit managed to give me one of the best damn orgasms I’ve had in months! I KNOW… I’m as shocked to say it as you are to hear it. It was wildly unexpected!

I’m not exactly 100% sure what happened… or how it worked this crazy magic… but I am pretty sure that the Mister Rabbit bypassed my g-spot and honed right in on my a-spot (the spot just beyond the g-spot, somewhere between cervix and the bladder). I clearly don’t experience this enough… because it was knock my socks off fantastic. Like, the Mister Rabbit even made me squirt… and that is a rare and wondrous thing when it happens to me! The vibrations of the Mister Rabbit aren’t particularly strong or numbly, but when focused through slightly hooked head… it got the job done. I wish I could just chop off that unnecessary external arm and just enjoy the main shaft as a stand alone vibrator. A quick note on size: the total length of the Mister Rabbit is 8.75 inches with 4.5 inches of insertable length.

Controlling the Satisfyer Mister Rabbit is done through a series of three buttons. First off, in the middle of the three buttons is the power button… it looks like a power button… with that power symbol. Press and hold that to turn the toy on, repeat to turn the toy off again. Below the power button, it a button that looks like a bunch of rings… that button is essentially the (+) button, it will cycle you up through the vibration intensities and through the pattern modes. The other button that looks nearly identical… only with fewer rings functions as a (-) button and will cycle you back down through the patterns and intensities. Pretty simple and straight forward. I find the buttons to be pretty conveniently placed and have had no issues hitting the buttons I want while using the toy (which is excellent… there is nothing worse than badly placed buttons).

The Satisfyer Mister Rabbit is rechargeable and arrives with its own magnetic charging cable. Plug the USB end into your computer or wall adapter (or straight into your wall if you are one of those fancy people with USB sockets right in their walls) and stick the magnetic end onto the butt of the rabbit and you are good to go. While it is charging, there is a flashing light, when that light is solid the Satisfyer Mister Rabbit is fully charged. It takes about 3 hours or so to get a full charge… I’m not sure how long a full charge lasts, I’ve yet to run my out of batteries. I’ve probably put in a good two hours worth of play time on this thing and its still going strong… but I imagine I’ve got to be close to running it down.

Here is my question though… why does the Satisfyer Mister Rabbit look nearly identical to the Fun Factory Lady Bi? It is practically a clone! And its not just this particular toy… each one of the new Satisfyer vibrators seem to have a Fun Factory counterpart! I feel like I am in some kind of sex toy Twilight Zone! Doppelgangers everywhere! I have seen some debate flying around on Twitter about this… there seems to be some questions about did Satisfyer just copy Fun Factory’s vibrators verbatim (which would be a pretty shitty move) or is Satisfyer somehow affiliated with Fun Factory and they are just re-using models they know sell well? I have yet to see a definitive answer on this… so I have no idea… the last thing I heard is that Fun Factory denied having any involvement with Satisfyer (which if true, I am very disappointed that Satisfyer played copycat and stole Fun Factory’s models). I’ve also never used the Fun Factory Lady Bi, so I can’t really tell you how they compare. I tried to do some digging of my own into the question and turned up with nothing useful… best I can say is both companies are from Germany… so… who knows what those crazy Germans are getting up to. If I ever find out a real answer… I’ll let ya’ll know. But what I can tell you is that the price tag on the Fun Factory Lady Bi is a whopping $159.99 while the Satisfyer Mister Rabbit look alike is only $49.99. That is a HUGE price difference… so I would be really interested in knowing how these two vibrators compare in a head to head match up… because if the Mister Rabbit is comparable to the Lady Bi… I’ll take the toy that doesn’t cost as much as my monthly grocery budget… thank you very much. I am a bit torn on this issue though… on the one hand, I am not in favor of one company stealing another companies designs and then passing them off as their own. However I have always been super interested in the Fun Factory vibrators, but the price tag has always been an issue for me… it is not something I can personally afford… and they aren’t items that are offered for review often (at least not to me)… so there is an accessibility issue there that Satisfyer is kind solving… because I can get something similar to the Fun Factory models at a price that I can actually afford… so I don’t know. This is in a gray area for me…

My recommendation? Well, as a rabbit vibrator… I’m not a fan. I don’t like the external arm, the size of it was too long for me and it didn’t hit my clit unless I held the arm down on top of it with my free hand. I also didn’t feel like the vibrations were particularly strong through the arm, so holding it down was a lot of work for what I felt was very little return. However… I can recommend the Mister Rabbit for the main body of the toy alone.  I am 100% into the size and shape of this vibrator. So if you are curious about an a-spot orgasm, I can recommend the Mister Rabbit… just ignore the stupid external arm… think of it as an appendix… it doesn’t really serve a purpose… but it also doesn’t really hurt being there. Also, as I mentioned above… the price is right… at just under $50, its worth giving a try if you are at all curious about it. Also, knowing I (mostly) enjoyed the Mister Rabbit… it makes me slightly more comfortable with the idea of dropping the big bucks on the look-a-like Lady Bi… so maybe use the Satisfyer Mister Rabbit as your gateway vibrator… if you mostly enjoy this, then you’ll probably enjoy the more expensive Fun Factory toy (this is me assuming that the Fun Factory Lady Bi is somehow better… drawing on my Fun Factory experience, I’m guessing the vibrations will be stronger…)!

Ready to bring the Satisfyer Mister Rabbit home? Hop on over to one of my favorite online toy stores and they can hook you right up! Find the Mister Rabbit at: SheVibe, Peepshow Toys (use the code KITTEN for 10% off) and Betty’s Toy Box (use code KITTEN for 10% off here too)!

The Satisfyer Mister Rabbit was provided to me free of charge by Satisfyer in exchange for my honest review. 

Welcome to the second annual SPOOKY MONTH review EXTRAVAGANZA! I’m so excited! SPOOOOOKY MONTH is my favorite of all the months (although hot chocolate and eat too many mashed potatoes month comes in a close second… and of course we can’t forget stupid love but lots of cheap chocolate month… that’s nice as well…OH and we can’t forget loud sky-flower cookout month either… so many good months…)! What do you mean what is Spooky Month? Spooky Month is the entire month of October… a time when we celebrate all things spooky! ESPECIALLY spooky sex toys… because… obviously. Last year was a particularly spooky time here at KittenBoheme.com… in fact… I think you had better catch up on last year before you dive into this year… you know, to extend the spooky. Spooky Month 2018 consisted of the Geeky Sex Toys Pumpkin Ball Gag, the Bolo Lasso Skull Cock Ring, the Blush Novelties Temptasia Elvira, the Tantus Zombie Gary, the Uberrime Night King, the Fleshlight Freaks Alien Masturbator, and of course… the piece de resistance the Uberrime Calaveras… a dildo with SKULL BALLS (it doesn’t get any spookier than skull balls…). Man… last year was so Spooky… I’m worried that I peaked too soon… hopefully 2019 can live up to the standard I set in 2018!

Okay, so we are starting Spooky Month 2019 on a less spooky and more adorable note. I don’t want to scare you all away on the first week of Spooky Month! But don’t worry, I’ll be ramping up the spooky as we go! When I think Spooky Month I think of five specific colors: Red, Sickly Green, Purple, Black, and of course the spookiest color of them all… Orange and I’ve got to say, the Blush Novelties Revive Sweet Intimate Massager is the perfect shade of Spooky Month Orange. Also… with a name like Sweet… well… that is obviously a reference to Halloween candy. OBVIOUSLY. Trust me… this is totally a Spooky Month appropriate toy.

When I pulled this little vibe out of the box, I wasn’t really all that impressed… I mean… beyond the color… it wasn’t anything super unique… it looks like most pocket rocket style toys… but in a sweet Halloween orange color. The Revive Sweet Intimate runs on a single AA battery… which meant I had to scour the house for something I could borrow a battery from. I ended up stealing a battery from my Xbox remote…which meant I was stuck watching “American Horror Story” while I masturbated… because I didn’t have the good sense to change what I was watching on Hulu before I took the battery from the remote. Although, I guess that is appropriate viewing for Spooky Month… but it was distracting… I didn’t know where to focus my attention… on the weird rubber man in the apocalyptic bunker… or on my clit. So, anyway, my borrowed AA battery and I got down to business… and I’ve got to say… I’m always a little surprised when I enjoy a battery powered toy. I feel like 9 times out of 10, battery powered toys are too weak for me… but when I do find that one… it usually blows me away. I’m getting the feeling that the Blush Novelties Revive Sweet Intimate Massager is that one (even with its ridiculously long name).

So as I said above, the Revive Sweet Intimate Massager is pretty much your basic pocket rocket… except it comes with its own silicone rabbit “hat”… which is kind of like the Sweet comes ready to trick or treat… arriving dressed in its own little bunny costume! The Sweet is 4 inches long… which is just about pocket sized… unless you are wearing women’s jeans… because those pockets barely fit anything larger than a quarter (grumble grumble grumble). If you put its Halloween costume on, it adds an extra inch to the total length… so when in adorable bunny mode, the Sweet has a total of 5 inches. Making it a reasonably discreet toy to tuck away in a night stand or carry around in your overnight bag, or to toss in your trick-or-treat bag for a little “me” time after a spooky night out! It isn’t the word’s quietest toy though, so be sure to turn up the Halloween Sound Effect CD a up little louder before you get down to spooky business.

I’ll be honest here… in my… like… uhh… *does math*… six years (maybe seven… I should have kept better records of when I started all this sex toy madness) of sex toy blogging, I have never used a pocket rocket style vibrator. Never. Which seems kind of wild to me… its one of those super basic designs… like… when I close my eyes and just think the word vibrator… two basic shapes come to mind… the classic slim vibrator and the pocket rocket. Heck… if you would have asked me about vibrators like 10 years ago… before I started blogging… I would have told you that there are only two kinds of vibrators out there… slim ones and pocket rockets… and obviously the pocket rockets were for those wild perverts out there… not the good little girls, like me. Obviously… this isn’t true… there are like a billion-kajillion vibrator shapes out there (possible exaggeration)… and they can be enjoyed by everyone… wild perverts or not… but that doesn’t change the fact that I still think of pocket rockets and slim vibrators as being the classic vibrator imagery. Anyway… long story short… this is my first time with a pocket rocket… and I couldn’t be more excited… sometimes its nice to just get back to the basics!

Operating the Revive Sweet is super easy… first twist the bottom of the toy off (the part with the punk ass silver studs) and make sure you have inserted a AA battery into the chamber. I thought I had a broken vibrator… because I forgot I had removed the battery after using it the first time… after you have made sure you in fact do have a battery in the toy, put the cap back on and twist until its in the “on” position. You’ll know its in the on position when the toy starts to vibrator. Twist it back in the other direction to turn it off. Or if you get a bit overzealous with the twisting, you’ll go right past the off position to twisting the cap right off. It’s really pretty straight forward and I believe you will instinctively know what to do once you’ve got the toy in your own hands.

The Revive Sweet is a great vibrator for anyone who has issues with decision making (hello, me)… it has a single vibration setting… so you don’t have to worry about all those pesky “options” slowing you down. You turn it on and you just get what you get. The vibration intensity is actually really decent… in fact… I would even go so far as to say its quite good… its even got an almost low rumble to it, its not just obnoxious surface level vibration. I was surprised… (because as I said, I have a bias against battery toys for some reason) by how much I actually enjoyed this vibrator. I orgasmed once. Than I orgasmed again. And than I thought… why the fuck not… and orgasmed a third time with the Revive Sweet. I enjoyed this little pocket rocket both with its hat on and off. I didn’t think I was going to like the rabbit hat, I have many opinions about anything rabbit-esque… but the ears are stiff enough, close enough together, and transfer enough vibration through them that this little clit hugger got the job done for me. The Revive Sweet in its Rabbit Halloween Costume gets a coveted spot on my very short list of “things with rabbit ears that I actually don’t hate with the passion of a thousand fiery suns.” I call it my TWRETIADHWTPOATFS list for short. Also worth mentioning, when you help the little Sweet into its bunny costume, be sure you are lining up the metal bumps of the head to the bump holes inside the hat… this will kind of “lock” the bunny cap into place. If you don’t get it on quite right, the hat will vibrate itself right off… making the Sweet look like someone on a sugar high so powerful… they buzz right out of their costume.

Okay, so… to recap here… the Blush Novelties Revive Sweet is small, portable, reasonably discreet, and comes with a stylish silicone hat. I should also mention it is BUDGET FRIENDLY. Like… it’s so budget friendly I had to write it in all caps, because I was just that excited. I love finding a toy that both gives me orgasms and is easy on my wallet. Right now, you can pick up the Sweet for about $13 bucks… which is both a spooky and amazing price. Downside of the Revive Sweet… its loud and requires you to hunt for a AA battery every time you want to use it (unless you are an organized person who just… has spare batteries laying around). Those downsides aren’t really enough of a downer to stop me from recommending the Blush Novelties Revive Sweet Intimate Massager. I think it is an excellent little vibrator, especially for the price. I think this is the perfect vibrator for those of you who want to celebrate Spooky Month… but aren’t ready to dive right into the monster dick pool. You can just dip your toe into the spooky water with this adorable vibrator with a Halloween costume. It is also great for the newbie vibe user… because it is so cheap… and because it does work… it would make an excellent jumping off point for someone deciding what they like.

OMG. I feel like I have failed you all. I can’t seem to find a retailer who carries the Revive Sweet Intimate Massager in this fabulously spooky orange color! Does this color not actually exist?! Do I have some kind of strange… cursed… spooky vibrator?! Now I’m worried… (I’m giving my mysteriously orange vibrator some hefty side eye right now). Did Blush have this cursed vibrator sitting in their warehouse… did it cause mysterious accidents… IS IT HAUNTED BY A POLTERGEIST?! Did they send it to me… so they could rid themselves of this evil?! Is this the vibrator version of The Ring?! Do I have to pass this on to someone else?! I don’t think Blush is known for mailing people cursed objects… but how well do we really know anyone? It’s okay though, if the Sweet interests you for reasons other than being supernaturally orange, don’t worry… it is currently available in a totally not haunted rosy pink color.

You can pick up this perfectly safe, not at all possessed version of the Blush Novelties Revive Sweet Intimate Massager from the folks at SheVibe! Although I can’t guarantee they wont try to offload a cursed vibrator off on you the way Blush did to me…

The Blush Novelties Revive Sweet Intimate Massager was provided to me free of charge by Blush Novelties in exchange for my honest review. 

Anyway You know what I like? I like vibrators that are shaped like things that aren’t really “vibrator” shaped. Like Chili Peppers.  Or Eggplants. Or Space Command Rabbits. And when I say I “like” them… I don’t necessarily mean I like like them… but I have an appreciation for the weird and the adorable. Currently, some of my favorite vibrators are absolute shit at being vibrators… but God damn it… are they cute little bastards. So when SheVibe offered up the Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager for review you know I was all in. Okay… technically the name on the toy’s packaging is the Cloud 9 Novelties Premium Health & Wellness Personal Massager… but could it get any longer or more sterile than that? No thank you, we are going to stick with calling it the Mushroom Massager… because that is what it looks like… and that is what SheVibe calls it… and SheVibe wouldn’t lie to me. We are friends. BEST friends. And best friends wouldn’t lie…

This is actually my first time reviewing anything from Cloud 9 Novelties. I spoke with someone from their company maybe half a year ago or so and we tried to make something happen, but communications dropped somewhere down the line and I haven’t heard anything back from them sense. I was a little bummed, but my plate is also full… like… extremely full… like I went to a buffet and loaded up on the all you can eat crab legs… but didn’t just stop at one plate… I grabbed like twenty plates and just kept grabbing those crab legs… one after another after another after another… (In this story… crab legs are actually sex toys). So, life moved on… I have a ton of stuff to do… so, I figured at some point I would reconnect with them again. Anyway… what I am trying to say is that not only am I excited that the Mushroom Massager is shaped like a mushroom… but also that it comes from Cloud 9… because now I had a chance to see what I was missing! I’m always excited when I get to try a toy from a brand I’ve never used… I don’t know what to expect (you know, like… when I’m about to review a We-Vibe toy I already expect that it will be rumbly… or if its a Uberrime dildo I know I’m going to love the feel of the silicone)!

Anyway, so the Mushroom Massager… it is indeed mushroom shaped… or toadstool, if you prefer that bit of nomenclature. The packaging says it an “ergonomic mushroom shape for pinpoint massage.” Cloud 9 and I have a very different idea of pinpoint. The cap of the mushroom provides what I would call a more broad stimulation… but then again, Cloud 9 also seems to be trying to sell it as a body massager first and a sex toy second… so I suppose if you were to be using the mushroom to massage sore muscles you could be “pin pointing” a certain muscle group (like… just your shoulder blade… or the exact spot on your lower back)… but I’m not reviewing this as a massager for sore muscles… I’m reviewing this as a sex toy… something I can smash against my clit… or titillate my nipples… so I’m going with the “broad stimulation” assessment… because I can’t direct the vibrations in a pin point fashion down onto my clit (if you are wondering what I consider a pin point vibrator take a look at the Blush Novelties Rose Lipstick Vibe or the Zumio). But it’s mushroom shaped… so I don’t really care what it does… because its ultimate purpose will be to sit on my desk and look frickin’ adorable.

The Mushroom Massager has nine vibration modes, which is definitely a lot more vibration than your average mushroom possesses. The Mushroom has three constant speeds in increasing intensity and six pattern modes. I’m not really sure how to classify the vibrations… like… they aren’t deep and rumbly… but they aren’t exactly buzzy either… and they really aren’t all that powerful… but… they aren’t exactly terrible either. Its kind of a gentle… middle of the road kind of vibrator. Like… I don’t love it, but I’m not offended by it either. Probably not a toy I would recommend to those hungry for power (like me)… this is pretty mild mannered… its a vibrator for those who prefer their vibrating mushrooms in the more gentle to mid-range. Masturbating with the Mushroom was alright, I tend to prefer vibrators that are really pin-point, I like to be able to direct vibrations to the exact location next to my clit that I know to be my “sweet spot.” So I ended up using the Mushroom tipped to it side, using the edges of the crown to get at my preferred area. If you are a person who likes their vibrations broad and spread out over a larger area, the Mushroom has got you covered… just used the full head of the ‘shroom and you are golden.

I really like the size of the Mushroom, its small, its also pretty easy to hold… dare I say its even ergonomic (gotta throw in those buzz words)… my favorite way of holding it is to cup the stem in my palm and kind of tuck my fingers under the mushroom cap… I’m sure there are other ways to hold the Mushroom, but that seems to be the most comfortable and most intuitive way of holding it. I’m also a fan of how discreet it is… it stands at roughly 2 inches tall from stem to the top of its cap… I’ve had it sitting on my desk for a while now and no one has asked me if its a sex toy yet. I’ve got lots of not-a-sex toy stuff sitting on my desk that I’ve been asked if its a sex toy… but not this… the Mushroom has so far flown under the radar of anyone who has approached my sacred work space. It has a very cutsey, almost whimsical Alice in Wonderland vibe to it (oooh…. I should set it next to the Tantus Hookah… I could build a whole Wonderland diorama), especially if you were to have the Mushroom Massager in the bright teal color (the Mushroom featured in this review is the Plum version).

Okay, I know I said I wasn’t going to review it as if it were a body massager… but… I actually like it as a body massager… the shape of the mushroom makes it easy to hold and the silicone makes it really easy to glide and rock it over my shoulders and neck… which is where I feel the most tense all the time (hello working at a computer all day). So… while I did mock Cloud 9 for not committing to calling it a body massager… it is actually a pretty decent body massager. It doesn’t get at any deep muscle stuff though, because the vibrations are not deep and rumbly enough… but it was just enough to kind of sooth minor aches and tension. So, the Mushroom would definitely be good for some sexy massages… grab yourself a massage candle (oh look… I just happen to have reviewed this Olivia’s Boudoir Massage Candle recently…)… turn on some music… and use the Mushroom to massage and titillate your partner (or yourself). I tried blindfolding my Stunt Cock and using the Mushroom for a little sensation play, he enjoyed it well enough (as much as he is able to enjoy vibration… he’s normally not a big fan and usually describes vibration as “numbing and uncomfortable”). Although when he was unblindfolded and saw my adorable Mushroom Massager he said it looked like one of those tub ‘shrooms that you put down your bathtub drain to collect hair. Why does he want to ruin everything that is good in my life?!

Controlling the Mushroom is pretty simple. It is operated by a single button located on the bottom of its stem. Press and hold this button to turn the Mushroom on, continuing to click it will cycle you through the previously mentioned nine vibration modes, then when you are finished, just press and hold down the button again to turn it off. Doesn’t really get much easier than that (I mean… it could get easier… if I was able to control it with like, my mind or something).

The Mushroom Massager is also rechargeable, so that’s cool. It arrives with its own USB charging cable that plugs into the stem of the mushroom. It is one of those long one prong chargers that you stab into a nearly invisible hole… there is a small hole that doesn’t really look like a hole along with some random symbols/writing… I know it feels like you shouldn’t poke it there and that you are going to break it… but that is the charging port… you’ll be okay.  It takes about an hour to achieve a full charge and you get about an hours worth of play time out of it. While its charging there is a little blue light on the base (around the power button) that blinks obnoxiously (I only think its obnoxious because I tried to charge it in the same room I was trying to also nap in… so that’s on me) until it has finished charging… then it becomes just a steady blue light.

Another bonus about the Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager… price… this little chap can be had for under $30.00. I like finding budget friendly vibrators that don’t utterly suck and I feel pretty comfortable putting this in the “doesn’t completely suck” category. While it isn’t as powerful as I may like… it did give me orgasms… which is all I really need from a vibrator… so it did its job admirably.  Also its cute… so you know I’m going to recommend it just based on that alone… because I have a serious problem. I think this would make a fun vibrator for a newbie, or someone who shys away from more “traditional” looking vibes because they come off as too intimidating… there is nothing intimidating about my little Mushroom friend… it is just adorable and eager to please. And, because it won’t break the bank… you can try it… and if you hate it… you aren’t out a fortune and don’t have to feel like you need to force yourself to use it because you spent triple digits on it. Then it just becomes a cute little art piece that just sits around on a shelf… like those terrible mushroom candles of the 90’s.

Ready to add a little Mushroom friend to your life? You can pick up the Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager from the very fine folks at SheVibe!

The Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager was provided to me free of charge by SheVibe in exchange for my honest review. 

Does anyone else here have (a possibly unhealthy) obsession with Pokémon Go? Let’s see a show of hands… good… good… I’m glad to see I’m not alone in this. Earlier this summer I was even lucky enough to score Pokémon Go Fest tickets for Chicago (which is conveniently only a few hours drive from me… and also by “I scored” I really mean “my friend scored tickets and invited me…”). It was a ton of fun and I’m already making plans to go back again! I WILL CATCH THEM ALL! GOD DAMMIT I WILL! Pokémon Go isn’t the only thing I’m obsessed with lately…  I am obviously quite obsessed with sex toys… so of course I had to find someway to combine my two obsessions and use my trip to Pokémon Go Fest as a way to conduct both business and pleasure…

So of course when the opportunity to partner with Geeky Sex Toys arose… I creamed in my Minion’s days of the week panties (because I’m an adult, and I wear adult underthings…). I mean… come on… they have an entire line of toys called Pokémoan! So that was a no brainer… I had to work with them. Even though it was short notice (Pokémon Go Fest was only a month away when communication began… which may not be short notice anywhere else in the world… but when you are dealing with Australia… one month is equivalent to me just popping ’round at 8am and saying I needed toys by 8:30am…you can get that done right?) Geeky Sex Toys must have busted their silicone balls, because they managed to get me not one but TWO  Pokémoan toys in time for Pokémon Go Fest! The first toy I reviewed was the Pokémoan Bulby… a Bulbasuar themed dildo… it was excellent (you should read the review… it’s great… and I’m not just saying that because I wrote it… okay, maybe I am…).

Sadly, Pokémon Go Fest is long gone… but I’ve really been enjoying this new Team Rocket event that has been going on… I’ve also really been enjoying my Geeky Sex Toys Piky! I’ve also been enjoying playing the new Team Rocket event while wearing my Piky butt plug… shhhh… don’t tell anyone. Or tell everyone. I don’t care. You’re the one who is going to look like a weirdo going around telling folks about what I, a perfect stranger, keep in my butt. This should come as no surprise, but, the Piky Plug is a big ol’ nod to everyone’s favorite snugly starter Pokémon – Pikachu! I mean… that really should have been obvious from the lightning bolt tail and yellow color!

The Pokémoan Piky is a surprising petite butt plug. I guess that’s why Pikachu is offered as a starter Pokemon… perfect for beginner trainers… but still fun for even the most masterful of trainers. The plug has an insertable length of 3 inches while the bulb measures in with a circumference of 4 inches. And because this is a Pikachu there is of course… a tail. The Piky tail measures in at 3.5 inches from base to tip. Such a wee little critter.

Piky is much smaller than what I normally use for anal play, I typically reach for something like the Tantus Ryder or lately I’ve been using a lot more of my Njoy Pure Plug 2.0, I tend to like more girth out of my butt plugs. Piky has such a delicate little bulb, it reminds me a lot of the smallest Njoy Pure Plug… which isn’t a bad thing… it just isn’t quite as satisfying as I want it to be. Although, for your newbie trainers… or your average Poké trainer who isn’t a size Queen in all things… Piky is probably going to be a great fit. That being said, I still absolutely love the Piky Plug. The bulb has a slightly tapered (kind of torpedo shaped) nose to it, which I think makes it super easy to insert and because it is so small and lightweight, it is easy to wear around… I almost forget its there (is that a good thing? I’m not sure…)… at least until I try to sit down and the tail reminds me “HEY! YOU’RE WEARING A BUTT PLUG YOU NINNY!” The Piky is definitely comfortable enough for long term wear… so long as you don’t want to sit down during that time… the tail makes that pretty much impossible. But with a tail so cute… why would you want to sit? Wearing it makes me want to waggle my rear at anyone who will look… I want to show off my adorable Pikachu tail!

Unlike the real Pikachu, the Piky Plug can not shoot electricity… however… it is made from silicone, so it is incredibly easy to clean… which I imagine that the real Pikachu is not. To clean, you’ve got almost as many options as there are Pokémon in the Pokédex! You can toss it into a pot of boiling water (but toss carefully, don’t burn yourself), you can load it onto the top rack of your dishwasher (no soap), you can spritz it down with a 10% bleach solution, you can use toy cleaner (if you believe in that sort of thing), or just good ol’ fashion sink water. My only issue with cleaning the Piky Plug is that if I was particularly messy and things got really lubey, gunk would collect in some of those jaggedy edges of the lightening bolt tail and it took a little more effort to scrub out, especially up near the base of the toy where the cracks are smaller. Not a huge deal… and I have a special sex toy cleaning toothbrush for jobs like that. Another thing I should mention about the Piky being made from silicone rather than flesh and fur… you should avoid using silicone lube with it. Legend has it that if you use silicone lube on a silicone toy, a Pokémon will die… no wait, that’s not it… oh, I remember… using silicone lube on a silicone toy has the potential to cause damage. I’ve only seen this happen a couple of times and the toy I was using was only questionably silicone… I’ve been a rebel and used silicone lube on a number of higher quality silicone toys with no ill effects… but I’m probably playing with fire… one day… I’ll ruin something I love, I just know it.

This is one of those toys that I wish I had more to say… but the Piky Plug is wonderfully simplistic… its adorable… well made… and excellent butt plug that does just what an excellent butt plug should do… it does its job so well that it leaves with nothing to say. Its often easier to write a review when I have someting to bitch about… but I don’t… not really… the small size of the plug is the only thing I’ve got to complain about, but that isn’t even a defect… its just my own personal preference. So, what I can say is that I can recommend the Geeky Sex Toys Pokémoan Piky Plug! If you go to play parties, this plug would make an excellent ice breaker/conversation starter. If you are into role playing, think of all the fun you can have with this! It’s also an great toy to add to your tail plug collection (everyone has a collection of butt plugs with tails right? Or is that just me…)! If you are a newbie to plugs or just not into massive size, I think you’ll like the Piky Plug, it also has the added bonus of not looking intimidating… how can anyone be scared by a Pikachu?! Also, its small size makes it discreet (or as discreet as a bright yellow lightning bolt tailed plug can be) and easy to store… I’ve currently got my plug tucked away in a Pokéball that used to hold the pieces to a Pokémon puzzle… before my dog ate most of it. Now I can throw the Pokéball on the bed and scream “PIKY PLUG! I CHOOSE YOU” and watch it come tumbling out of the ball. It’s the simple joys in life…

Ready to select the Geeky Sex Toys Piky as your starter companion? You can pick one up from the fine folks at Geeky Sex Toys! BONUS: Use the code KITTEN for an adorable 5% discount.

The Geeky Sex Toys Pokémoan Piky Plug was provided to me free of charge by Geeky Sex Toys in exchange for my honest review. 

SPOOKY MONTH! SPOOOOOKY MONTH! SPOOOooOOoOOoooOOOOOooky MOOOooooOOOOoooOOnth! It’s my most favorite month of them all! I absolutly love this time of year… the crisp weather, the apple cider, scary movies, wearing enormous sweatshirts… oh and of course…. HALLOWEEN THEMED SEX TOYS!!

Welcome to WEEK TWO of my Spooky Month Countdown!! Just so you stay caught up… we kicked things off with the Blush Novelties Revive Sweet Intimate Massager… it might not be the scariest of toys, but look at that festive orange color… also, I’m not 100% convinced that it isn’t a cursed object (you’ll have to read the review to find out why…).

Okay… real talk… I was actually sent the Geeky Sex Toys Star Toys Laser Sword ages ago. Like seriously… so long ago that I’m actually embarrassed at how long its taken me to publish a review. So long ago that the year was probably closer to 2018 than 2019… I AM SO ASHAMED. BUT… in my defense, I was waiting for May 4th (you know, Star Wars Day) to release the review, but then Star Wars day came and went and it was like two weeks after the fact before I realized I missed it (Once again… SO ASHAMED). So then I thought… well… I’ll wait until next year I guess… but then I started thinking about Spooky Month… and the villainous red Laser Sword is a great addition to my Spooky Month count down!

No, really… hear me out… the Laser Sword is perfect for Spooky Month because it’s absolutely villainous. Why is it villainous? Because it’s red. And do you know who wields red lightsabers? The Sith. You can’t get much spookier than an ancient order of supernaturally gifted warriors driven by a Machiavellian agenda of total galactic domination and revenge. Darth Vader, Darth Maul, Darth Sidious… all the Darths… all scary dudes… all wielding red lightsabers. I’m sure the children of Coruscant scare each other around campfires with stories of these guys the same way we frighten ourselves with Freddie, Jason, or that guy with a hook for a hand…

When I first encountered the Laser Sword on Twitter I thought for sure it was nothing but a gimmick. I figured it was going to be a shitty dildo on a lightsaber handle with a light thrown in for comical effect. Something to get the nerds excited, but nothing that would actually work as a sex toy. I really didn’t think this thing would be usable… much less good. Once I actually had a Laser Sword in my hands, I was singing a different tune. This sword is actually extremely well made! The detail on both the dildo and the handle are excellent and the light… well… the light up feature is absolutely awesome, I’m amazed at how brightly it is able to shine through the silicone of the dildo. I am 100% certain that this is the dildo that Emperor Palpatine has tucked away in his bedside table.

The handle of the Laser Sword is made from resin (according to their website, I don’t just know what resin looks like by looking at it… I’m not that amazing at what I do… but Google says that its essentially plastic), while the swords “blade” (the only part of the sword that is meant for insertion) is made from silicone. The dildo end is phallic in nature, and apart from being a totally spooky and utterly villainous red color, it is quite realistic with a pronounced head and a delightfully veiny shaft. So those who shy away from realistic toys may or may not enjoy this… on the one hand… it is a sword… on the other hand it is a sword with a penis attached… its a tough call. The dildo end does have some squish to the outer layer of silicone, but because of the light-up rod at the core of the dildo, it is a pretty firm toy with no flex bend to the shaft.

Size-wise the Laser Sword is nearly equal parts handle and sword, officially it says that the insertable length is 6 inches and the handle is 5.2 inches… but I’m coming up with something slightly different when I measure. I end up with about 5 inches of dildo and 5 inches of hilt… not a huge difference… but I hate being wrong… and now I question my ability to handle a ruler… MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE A LIE. Whether you believe the official measurements or my own… you still end up with a reasonably average insertable length. Girth-wise the Laser Sword measures in with a circumference of 4.25 inches, so you are still looking at a fairly average dildo. This dildo may be a sword… but its a pretty average sword. Personally, I wish this was much longer with a bit more girth… but I do kind of consider myself a member of the size royalty household. As is, (even though its not my ideal cup of tea) I think the Geeky Sex Toy Laser Sword is pretty beginner friendly or an excellent choice for those with the experience to know that they just enjoy a more average sized dildo. Also a great option for those who prefer their dildos to be shaped like galactic weapons.

In use… I think the most exciting part of the Laser Sword is lighting it up and watching it go in and out… in and out… this effect is twice as awesome if you are doing it in a dark room. While the toy isn’t the most girthy thing I’ve used, the firmness of it helps to give the illusion of girth… I feel that satisfying feeling of fullness when the Laser Sword is inserted. The head of the Laser Sword reached my g-spot, but I had issues getting the angle just right to really stimulate it… I think this is partly because the dildo isn’t quite long enough and partly because the top part of the hilt (where the dildo meets the handle) gets shoved right against my vulva, making it harder for me to get the right angle without pinching myself with hard plastic. I don’t think I’ve seen the Laser Sword advertised anywhere as being a g-spotting dildo… so… I guess this isn’t really an issue. I just happened to notice it was soooooo close to being able to do that. Other than looking freakin’ cool… the Laser Sword really functioned as a pretty average dildo for me, nothing in particular really stood out for me. I wasn’t able to quite orgasm with the toy alone and had to bring in some help in the form of a bullet vibrator against my clit… but then I enjoyed the just clenching around the Laser Sword and occasionally pulling it out to admire the bright red light before pushing it back in. The Laser Sword worked really well as a partner dildo… my Stunt Cock really enjoyed wielding the Laser Sword (sure, I had to put up with a lot of Darth Vader breathing while he used it… but it was worth it…) and was especially fond of having a handle to hold while he thrust the dildo in and out of me. I gotta say… I’m also a fan of having a nice handled grip on my dildo too… so I get where hes coming from. It also lent itself easily to role playing… we didn’t even mean to do sexy role playing… but it just kind of happened every time we pulled out the Laser Sword… you can’t help RPing when you are brandishing a light up sword… “Use the force! Use it hard!” Also, for some reason… I wish this vibrated… it just feels like it should… but I guess I just feel like that because there is a button… and in my experience buttons make things vibrate… just… not this time… this time the button makes the sword light up. I also wish it made a SWOOOOOSH lightsaber sound as it lit up. But, for a dildo that doesn’t vibrate or make a SWOOOOSH sound, the Laser Sword is still pretty cool.

Cleaning the toy is easy… so long as you separate the blade from the hilt. The base of the sword (with the buttons and light up rode) are not waterproof. So when it comes time to clean you Laser Sword you need to pull the dildo from the handle. Luckily, this is super easy to do. Just give the dildo a gentle twist to release the suction then gently pull it off (I have to give it kind of a rocking motion and gently shimmy it up and off the center rod) and you are ready to wash! The silicone end can be tossed into boiling water, washed on the top rack of your dishwasher (no soap), cleaned with a 10% bleached solution, or just cleaned with regular old tap water. If the hilt needs cleaning, I recommend just gently wiping it with a mostly dry washcloth or a baby wipe (this seemed to do the trick for me when I needed to get lube off the grip). Be sure you let the dildo dry completely before attaching it back onto the handle.

The Geeky Sex Toys Laser Sword is a toy fit for any Dark Lord of the Sith, but if you aren’t as in touch with your dark side as I am don’t worry, the Laser Sword comes in four other colors… blue, green, pink and purple. But face it… red is seriously the coolest option… because… it’s spooky and we are all about Spooky Month ’round these parts. Also… while your shopping for a new Laser Sword, don’t forget to check out the rest of the Star Toys collection!

Geeky Sex Toys is located in Australia, which means it is international shipping (unless you happen to live in Australia), but not to worry, Geeky Sex Toys offers free shipping on orders over $100 or a flat rate of $15 for orders that don’t quite meet that $100 threshold. Also, shopping from Australia tends to take a bit longer than most places… there is a very good reason for it though. This may surprise you, but Australia has the largest number of ghosts per capita. In fact, 9 out of 10 Australian residents are actually a ghost. This is why shipping takes so long, ghosts can’t pick up packages… unless you are dealing with a poltergeist… but only 2 out of every 10 ghosts is an object moving poltergeist… and very few of them actually work for the postal service. So, you’ll have to be patient… eventually a living Australian resident will get around to picking up your package and mailing it out to you.

Ready to really feel the force for yourself? Looking to come to the Dark Side? You can pick up your own Geeky Sex Toys Star Toys Laser Sword directly from the folks at Geeky Sex Toys! BONUS: Use the code KITTEN for a little discount on your purchase!

The Geeky Sex Toys Star Toys Laser Sword was provided to me free of charge by Geeky Sex Toys in exchange for my honest review.

I just experienced a first! I literally have a room full of sex toys (I’m not joking… I have a literal room dedicated to just boxes of sex toys) so I’m always amazed when I get a toy I’ve never experienced before… in this case it’s a double ended dildo. Can you believe I have never used a double ended dong before!? I’m pretty flabbergasted… it’s one of those toys that has always played a prominent role in my sexual fantasies… and yet I’ve never owned one… never tried one… never even been in the same room as one. HOW HAVE I MADE IT THIS FAR WITHOUT ONE?!

Thankfully, SheVibe exists… and they sent me the Blush Novelties Dr. Skin Double Dildo… so I could finally fulfill my double dong dreams. Okay… they didn’t read my mind or anything… I requested this double ended dildo… because I had urges I needed to satisfy. You understand.

The Dr. Skin is 18 glorious inches of dildo magic. What does a person need with 18 inches of dildo you ask?! What doesn’t a person need with 18 inches of dildo?! It is ridiculously large… but also… ridiculously awesome. Besides, everyone knows that 18 inches has been scientifically proven to be the perfect length for a a wagglin’ dildo. You know… a dildo that you waggle at someone… a wagglin’ dildo… come on, everyone knows what a wagglin’ dildo is. Having an extra long dildo is also awesome for partner play and its sometimes nice to just have a little more length to work with.  For me, having an extra long, double ended dildo was all about fulfilling my DP fantasies…without ever actually having to meet, speak to, or get involved with another human being. Because I try to do as little of that as possible. Girth-wise the Dr. Skin is a little less impressive… but somewhat more realistic… measuring in with a width of 1.6 inches (which I believe is right around the human penis average). The Dr. Skin is available in two skin tone colors- Chocolate, which is what is featured in this review and caramel.

If you over look the fact that it is extra long penis of the human centipede variety (you know… two dicks stuck together…although it isn’t ass to mouth… its more… shaft to shaft… like… they are connected where the balls should be… but those have been viciously removed to make way for the fusing of to penis shafts. Okay, I know this isn’t technically one of my Spooky Month reviews… but I’m starting to feel like it could be…), it is actually a fairly realistic dildo. It has a soft, realistic feel to it (although not as realistic as say VixSkin or other dual density dildos) as well as a very phallic look. It has a pretty pronounced head and coronal ridge along with an extra veiny shaft. Both ends of the double dildo are identical (twinsies!).

Being able to DP myself with a single toy was a super hot experience. I tried using the Dr. Skin in two different ways… first I tried inserting both ends into my vagina… this required a lot of lube, a bit of a warm up, and some patience… but it was worth it. It was somewhat hard to keep the dildo in place though, it didn’t seem to like being doubled over like that and did all it could to spring free from my vagina, I had to keep a hand on it in order to keep it in place. Next I tried one end in my vagina and brought the other end down to my butthole… okay… technically I started it with it in my butthole and brought the other end up to my vagina… it was a little easier to maneuver that way. This was also a truly excellent feeling… both holes felt satisfyingly full… and when I added a vibrator to my clit… I caused myself to squirt. There is one last way I really want to try a double ended dildo… which is with a second vagina… which is what many of my masturbatory fantasies have been made of. I’ll let you know when I finally make that happen.

Okay, the only issue I really had with the Dr. Skin double ended dildo was keeping track of which end I used for which hole… this didn’t matter if i was using both ends in my vagina… but this became an issue when I had one in the stink and.. uh… one in the pink (that was bad, why did you let me write that?). I didn’t want to cross-contaminate the anal end with my precious vagina… so I just had to do a little more thinking (and the occasional sniff test… you’ll know which one goes where… also, gross… why did you let me write that too?).

So material-wise, it’s not made from silicone. I made the mistake of not reading the product page close enough… I saw “Body Safe” on the photo of the packaging and just assumed silicone and didn’t look much further. I’ve gotten so used to Blush Novelties toys being silicone… I didn’t think this wouldn’t be. So the Dr. Skin Double Dildo is actually made from a non-porous PVC, which Blush says is lab certified body safe… I’m not exactly sure what that means… but I really want to believe both Blush and SheVibe have my best interest at heart and aren’t sending me anything toxic. Although everything I’ve ever been told about sex toy materials has always labeled PVC as bad… so I don’t know. I am not a materials expert, I’ve done a fair amount of reading, but there seems to still be a lot I don’t know… but when it comes to PVC being labeled as bad it’s because it’s usually porous and likely to contain phthalates as well as other irritating chemicals that can cause bad reactions. But, along with being non-porous the Dr. Skin is also advertised as being phthalate, paraffin, latex, and fragrance free – those are all good things. So, is there really such a thing as body safe PVC? I had no bad reactions to this particular toy… and I have super sensitive skin that has reacted badly to poor quality materials in the past… so I’m inclined to tolerate the whole PVC thing… although I may not recommend it as enthusiastically as I would a toy made from something I know to be safe – like silicone.

Okay, I couldn’t let this PVC thing go… I tried to move on and finish this review, but I couldn’t… I still had questions. So, here is what I dug up… apparently Blush has some sort of proprietary PVC compound. Their PVC is nonporous (which someone compared to it being like the PVC pipes that carry our home drinking water) and that it is softened with a body-safe, phthalate and paraffin free plasticizer. So, while Blush’s PVC toy may be safe to use… don’t let this lull you into a false sense of security in regards to other PVC toys… most PVC is still on the “do not want” list… so use your best judgement. I still feel a bit suspicious of this… like… why not just make it from silicone?

Cleaning the Dr. Skin is pretty easy… although you don’t have as many options as you would with a silicone dildo. It seems like the general advice is, don’t boil or put your PVC toys in the dishwasher. So, when it comes time to clean your Dr. Skin you will have to use mild soap and warm water. The veins really wanted to hold onto lube and vag goo… so I had to give it a bit of a scrub before it was actually clean, but it wasn’t so bad that I had to bust out the sex toy cleaning toothbrush!

Storing this beast is tricky… I don’t even particularly care about being discreet… and I’m still having trouble on finding a place to store this thing! I had it under my bed breifly, but it was collecting ALL the dust. So I moved is into my office, but it doesn’t fit in any of the designated sex toy drawers and its longer than all of my sex toy storage bins. So at this moment its kind of just laying in the middle of the room… because I admitted defeat and tossed it down there. Okay, I know what you are saying… just fold it in half… but I tried that, it is just stiff enough that it doesn’t fold neatly and it was just trying to spring open and knocking other things out of place in my drawers… the Dr. Skin has a mind of its own and can not be tamed. So, keep that in mind if you are trying to store your Dr. Skin discreetly after use… you might need to buy a special box or bag just for it. Or you can just be like me and let it live in the middle of your floor. I’m going to get so used to just stepping over it that I’ll forget its there until someone comes over and asks me why I have an enormous dick on the floor… and I’ll just shrug and say “Doesn’t everyone?”

I want to recommend the Dr. Skin… but I’m having a hard time doing so enthusiastically, because of the whole PVC thing. Even though Blush claims that it is safe… and I want to trust them… because we are besties… PVC just doesn’t sit 100% well with me. It does seem like a lot of the double ended dildos out there are made from a jelly material (which is definitely toxic) so if you are looking at one of those jelly horrors, I would without hesitation recommend you choose the Dr. Skin over any of those. However… if you are trying to decide between a silicone double ended dildo and this… take the silicone. Browsing SheVibe’s Double Dildo category real quick, I could only find two brands who offered a silicone double dildo and they are not exactly budget friendly (both falling around that $50+ range… which I know can be a deal breaker for some), but one of those brands is Blush… so they have the ability to make silicone double ended dildos. Their Ruse 18 Inch Double Dildo is made from my much preferred material (silicone) and looks nearly identical to the Dr. Skin… except for the color… it comes in awesome non-skin tone colors. So… here is where I think I stand with Dr. Skin… if money is an issue and you can’t spring for the silicone Ruse, then I would recommend the Blush Novelties Dr. Skin. Materials aside, I really did enjoy the Dr. Skin… it is well made, the length and girth were almost perfect… I loved the texture of the shaft… it is a pretty rad dildo! It is also on the more budget friendly side of things (as I mentioned above), being offered for around $25 (at the time of this review).

Can’t wait to fulfill your own double ended dildo fantasies? Pick up the Blush Novelties Dr. Skin 18 Inch Double Dildo from the fine folks at SheVibe!

The Blush Novelties Dr. Skin 18 Inch Double Dildo was provided to me free of charge by SheVibe in exchange for my honest review. 

Have you ever watched a cam show? Have you ever seen a show where there is a little pinkish or purple tail peeking out from inside a performer’s vagina? After seeing at least 5 or 6 shows with this magical tail I started to become incredibly curious… nay… not curious… obsessed… with what on earth that toy was. Oh course… I could have just asked these performers what they were using… but I’m shy, I can’t directly ask another human being a question. So I just kept watching… I figured eventually I’d see them take this magical vagina tail out… or say something about it… (now that I hear this out loud, I’m starting to think this was just a thinly veild excuse for me to watch cam shows…).  Eventually I did learn what this magical tail was… and I also learned it was actually two different times… these tails turned out to either be the Lovesense Lush or the OhMiBod Esca. Having put a name to these peek-a-boo toys, I became somewhat obsessed with trying one for myself. You know… monkey see monkey do. Lucky for me, SheVibe was offering up the OhMiBod Esca 2 for review and you bet I snapped that up the moment I saw it listed. GIMMIE DAT! GIMMIE DAT RIGHT NOW! My precious…

The Esca 2 is a rather versatile vibrator from OhMiBod and Kiiroo (and a follow up toy to their first generation Esca). Versatile in that it can be used during solo or couple’s play and can be used with or without the app. You can control it yourself while your partner watches, your partner can control it for you from the same room, or you can hand over control to a partner who happens to be in another state. I think the reason you’ll see this toy (or ones like it) used somewhat frequently with cam shows is the fact that it is both wearable (I know from experience being able to be hands free while you cam is often nice) and that it can be controlled long distance via the FeelConnect app or the OhMiBod app (which makes it possible for a viewer to gain control over your toy… after tipping of course). I already had the FeelConnect app on my phone from reviewing the Kiiroo Onyx ages ago (I’m bad at deleting apps on my phone… because what if I need it again?!) so that is what I used for this review. If I start feeling sassy, maybe I’ll download the OhMiBod app and give that a whirl too (no promises… my sassy meter is pretty low today).

As I said earlier, the Esca 2 is a wearable vibrator and it is designed for vaginal use. Design-wise the Esca 2 looks an awful lot like a cartoon sperm. The body of the toy is bulbous (shaped for g-spot stimulation) with a wiggly silicone tail that ends in a smaller hard plastic bulb. The toy has a total length of 7.3 inches  with the insertable bulb having a diameter of 1.3 inches (about the size of a small chicken egg… like what a Bantam chicken would lay) and the tail measures in at 5.5 inches long. The tail portion of the toy is designed to remain outside of your body and works kind of like the string on a tampon… allowing you to easily remove the Esca 2 with a gentle tug. Inserting it was really easy, I used a dab of water-based lube, and was able to push it right in and I loved how it felt instantly filling.

The OhMiBod Esca 2 can be controlled in two ways (well… three ways if we count both apps as a different method of control), manually or via the mobile app. For manual control you use the button at the tail end of the… uh… tail. On that smaller hard plastic bulb you will see a little silicone power button. To turn the Esca 2 on just press and hold that button for 3ish seconds and the toy will spring to life with a quick vibration to acknowledged that its been turned on. Press the button again to turn on the first vibration mode. Continuing to press the button will cycle you through Esca 2’s three continuous vibration settings in increasing intensity and two patterns. The patterns are alright, pretty basic pulsating… first one feels like a slower pulsating pattern while the second one just feels like a sped up version. Really not the worst patterns… I didn’t mind them… I also appreciate that they didn’t waste a lot of time on multitudes of pattern settings in manual mode. Three steady states and two patterns feels straight to the point and easy to manage. When you are ready to turn the toy off again just press and hold the power button again for a few seconds and it will power down. This is the easiest way to control the Esca 2 I think… especially since I don’t need to cycle through various speeds and patterns… I’m a set it at the top speed and forget it kind of gal. Controlling via the apps start to get a little more involved…

Pairing the Esca 2 with your phone is reasonably easy. Press and hold that power button again until you feel that quick vibration. With the LED light blinking, you are now in pairing mode. Open up your FeelConnect app and connect your toy. If you need more help with pairing a toy with the FeelConnect apps check out Kiiroo’s online manual… it explains it far better than I ever could… because I suffer from verbal diarrhea and I’ll just over complicate things. In the app you can either take “local control” or “partner control.” Local control means you are going to control the Esca 2 via the app on the phone you just paired your toy with… (so, not a long distance phone). Switching over to partner control allows someone else to take control of the device, provided you have shared a control link with a partner. To get the link you need to go to the menu and select Partner Connect then click share. When I open the share menu it gives me a list of people I’ve recently texted with (which is super awkward because its like… my mom… the boss at my vanilla job… Stunt Cock’s mom…), it also gives me the option to airdrop the link… you know… in case you want to invite all of Starbucks to play with you… and finally the ability to just copy the link. This last option would be how a Cam Performer could offer control of their vibrator without actually sharing their phone number with someone. The FeelConnect app doesn’t feel super intuitive… its a lot of clicking around, trial and error, eventually figuring out how things work… at least that’s how it is for me. I only used this app because I already had it and was somewhat familiar with it.

Alright… I guess I’m feeling a bit sassy after all… let’s go ahead and download the OhMiBod app right now… I’m curious if its any easier to use. Okay, so the pairing process is the same as it is with the FeelConnect app, just press and hold the power button until you get that first vibration blip, then open up the OhMiBod app and select if you are playing locally or remotely. I selected that I was playing locally and I was given all kinds of options for controlling the Esca 2. First off is the Rhythem menu, which allowed me to select from different pre-build patterns (with names like The Moon or Ludicrous), pretty basic, but is an upgraded experience from the manual mode patterns. Next it offered me Tap mode which allows me to just tap the target area and create a pattern with my finger… this was super neat… once I created a the perfect pattern it allowed me to save it as a favorite, so I can access it again and don’t have to re-build it every time I turn the app on. Next is the Touch mode Which is just a four square grid with a rabbit in the upper right corner and a turtle in the lower left and I can just move my finger around the grid to control the toys vibration…this feels like its more about intensity than pattern building. Finally, it offered me what has to be my absolute favorite option… Club Vibe. You’ll have to allow the OhMiBod app access to your microphone for this one… this mode allows your toy to sync with the music in the room. You haven’t lived until your vibrator syncs itself to Lizzo. I found that both “Boys” and “Good as Hell” provided a magical vibration experience. The OhMiBod app feels so much more intuitive compared to the FeelConnect (and it provides instructions in the app itself, which helps). Okay… ya’ll… I’m super glad I tried this app. There is also an Oh!dometer, which allows you to log your orgasms within the app and allows you to set weekly goals and gives you stats. I’m not sure its something I personally will use, but its a cute idea. I’ve gotta say, the OhMiBod app is by far the superior way to control the Esca 2. Don’t even mess with the FeelConnect… it’s complete trash compared to this one.

Using either of the apps gives you a lot more versatility… you have more control over the vibrations and can do more fine tuning to figure out exactly what you want… but if you are trying to decide which app to use… I’d recommend the OhMiBod app over the FeelConnect. I’ve read some reviews of the Esca 2 where people couldn’t connect to certain apps with certain phones… it seemed that iPhone users had more luck with the OhMiBod app and Androids readily connected to FeelConnect… I have an iPhone and I was able to connect to both apps. So I guess if you are having issues with one app, give the other one a try. No matter which mode of control you choose, there are lights at the end of the tail that will light up according to how strong the vibrations are, which provides kind of a neat visual… but it is possible to turn this light off if you are wearing thin fabric and don’t want to look like there is a rave in your pants (but why wouldn’t you want to look like that…).

The vibration’s of the Esca 2 aren’t super strong… at least not as strong as I would like. At its top end speed I would still classify this as a pretty moderate vibe. I’m having a hard time deciding if the vibrations are rumbly or not… like… the motor definitely does have a little rumble to it… but there is definitely some real buzz to it as well. So not a pure rumble toy… but it also doesn’t feel like you’ve let loose a hive of bees inside your vagina. I guess I’ve got to say that everything vibration-wise is pretty middling… not bad enough to hate… not amazing enough for me to feel wowed. It’s satisfying enough to orgasm with. Also, I noticed that the vibrations travel through the toy’s tail so if I positioned the tail onto my clit I got a little bit of external stimulation as well… nothing mind blowing…but just enough that my clit didn’t feel completely left out.

The Esca 2 is surprisingly quiet. Once inserted, I really couldn’t hear the vibrations at all… so I would feel 100% comfortable wearing this out in public (especially if you were going to take it somewhere loud… like a dance club).  The Esca 2 isn’t silent though, when it vibrates, there is noise, it’s just that any sound the does make was  pretty muffled by my body and my clothes (I was wearing undies and jeans). Next date night, give your partner control of the Esca 2 and see where the evening takes you!

To recharge the Esca 2, plug the provided cable into the small dimple on the body of the toy and the other end into a computer or USB compatible wall adapter. While charging the LED light in the tail will blink until its fully charged. It takes about two hours to charge to full. I think this is the only issue I have with the Esca 2… it has a rather long charge time but I’ve only managed to get about an hour (or less if I’m running only at top speeds) of play time out of it. Usually this isn’t an issue for me with other toys… but with the Esca 2, I want the adventure to last! Especially if I am going to be out of the house… letting someone else control the toy… it could turn into an all day affair!

As far as wearable vibrators go, the OhMiBod Esca 2 isn’t bad, I’ve definitely experienced worse. I think I only have two complaints, the first being the play time vs charge time… I wish it lasted longer and second, I want it to be stronger. The vibrations are decent… they are pretty moderate… they do the job… but I really want to be wowed! I kind of feel like OhMiBod may have put noise reduction over strength… prioritizing a quiet motor over something that has a lot more oomph. I mean… quiet is good… but I kind of want to have my socks knocked off. For me, using the Esca 2 was much more of a tease… it wasn’t a main event… which plays well with using it in public with a partner. If I were looking to play solo, I might not reach for the Esca 2… unless I made plans to go out on the town and titillate myself that way before coming home and finishing the job with something like a Hitachi or Doxy. But still, I can defiently recommend the OhMiBod Esca 2, I think it has a lot of potential and can be pretty fun. I also think that the club mode in the OhMiBod app is AWESOME… imagine, if you were doing a cam show… you could allow your viewers to put together a playlist to play your toy along with! Dance party and orgasms! Yesssss! I am super happy I got the chance to try this toy out… it really didn’t disappoint.

You can pick up the OhMiBod Esca 2 from the fine folks at SheVibe!

The OhMiBod Esca 2 was provided to me free of charge by SheVibe in exchange for my honest review.

When I was thinking about my Spooky Month line-up thus far I realized there was a severe lack of anything monster/alien themed… thank goodness Uberrime sent me the Uberrime Tentare Tentacle We-Vibe Tango Sleeve… I mean…. come on… what’s Spooky Month without at least one tentacle themed toy?!  Also… I’ve kind of got a thing for tentacles… some of the first porn I remember watching was tentacle laden Hentai. My roommate bought a DVD from the “Anime” section at an FYE store at the mall… this clearly was not just anime… it was Hentai… and we laughed and laughed… then had sex… because apparently we were super turned on by it. I’m pretty sure we knew exactly what we were getting in to when we bought the DVD… it obviously wasn’t just some innocent anime… but we feigned ignorance. And it’s not just Hentai monsters that have tentacles… oh no… SPOOKY HALLOWEEN MONSTERS… they have tentacles too!

Uberrime Tentare Tentacle We-Vibe Tango Sleeve… well that seems awfully specific doesn’t it… Yeah, it does. Although I feel reasonably certain that if you were to put a bullet other than the Tango in this sleeve that nothing would happen. I do not believe that this is a cursed object (although… I don’t know what Uberrime has been up to these days)… I don’t think you will be defiling a sacred space thus summoning a horde of demons into the world if you were to insert a different bullet… it just may not function at 100% of its potential … since it is designed around the We-Vibe Tango. I’m only guessing though… because I own a We-Vibe Tango… so I’m not taking any chances… my home will remain demon free this October. Although, I am sure that whatever curse is on the Tentare (again… it may not be cursed…but who knows…) will be lifted after Spooky Month… because that’s just how things work. So don’t panic. If you’re worried, just buy your Tentare Tentacle on November 1st.

I don’t have a whole lot of experience with bullet sleeves… off the top of my head I can only think of the Rocks-Off Ramsey Rabbit. Oh, wait… no… Blush has a whole series of bullets with silicone sleeves… I’m just blanking on the name. Give me a second while I search my own web page for bullet vibrators… (I’ve reviewed a lot of toys, so give me a break… I can’t remember everything all the time)… Here we go, the Blush Aria Mi Vibe, Blush Aria Buzz Bunny, and the Blush Aria Hot Tongue, I knew I had reviewed a small number of sleeved bullets. Also, I had to search through two pages of bullet vibrators to find those… so I also learned that those are literally the only bullet sleeves I’ve tried. So I guess what I’m trying to say in my characteristically long winded way is that I’ve tried a small number of bullet sleeves… some have been excellent… others… well… they were a bit of a let down. The biggest issue with a bullet sleeve is often the silicone of the sleeve will dampen the bullets vibrations to much… rendering it useless to me (because I’m all about a vibrations power) but sometimes…  sometimes you get lucky and find a sleeve that will actually enhance the use of the bullet vibrator. The Uberrime Tentare has definitely proven itself to be of the enhancement variety… (thank goodness… I didn’t want to be the one to break it to Uberrime that his toy sucked… I’m 99% sure that he is an otherworldly dildo demon sent to earth to craft dildos that tempt and torture me).

The Uberrime Tentare is a rather sizeable sleeve, like… someone hacked off a good chunk of whatever horrid sea beast this was a part of. It is a total of 5 inches long, with about 4.25 inches worth of insertable length. The shaft of the toy has a max circumference of 5.85 inches while the head of the toy (or would that be the hand of the toy… it is a limb after all…) has a circumference of 4.2 inches. After all is said and done, it’s really about the size of a small dildo. I mean… you can technically use it as one… so call it a dildo if you want (even if its still technically a bullet sleeve). The Tentare turns your external Tango vibrator into a textured experience… that can be used both externally or internally (because why should clits get all the fun)! I’m not really sure if I would call this anal safe or not… there is a flared base… but its not hugely flared… the base doesn’t extend out much further than the last ridge. So I guess, I wouldn’t personally recommend this as an anal toy (no one wants to go to the ER to explain why there is a monstrous tentacle stuck up their butt) but use your best judgement. If you are looking for a more obviously anal safe, tentacle-esque experience may I recommend you look at Deep Diver, the Xenuphora, or heck the Jellyfish 2.0 I reviewed not that long ago has a tentacley like nature to it!

The Tentare is hand sculpted (Uberrime pours his blood, sweat, and tears into these molds) and is hand poured from silicone. The shape of the Tentare is… well… its shaped exactly like I imagine the tentacle of some kind of  ancient demon sea beast might look like. Like, imagine an octopuses arms… now imagine that octopus fell into a drum of radioactive waste that was dumped into the bottom of the ocean. Now imagine that that radioactive octopus has hulked out into an angry sea demon… and imagine when angry it can like… detach the first 5 inches of its pointy death arms and shoot it at you… yeah, that’s about what the Tentare looks like. So, the tip of the sleeve is a little bit pointy… not like… going to stab you pointy… but it does come to a definite point. There is also a small cupping shape to the head, which makes a nice little nest for my clit. The Tentare is a HIGHLY textured toy, the entire front half of the body is covered in little suckers while the back half of the toy is made up of a series of very pronounced ridges (giving it a spine like effect). The overall shape of the sleeve does kind of mimic the shape of the We-Vibe Tango, now that I think about it (just with more terror built in). The bullet hole (the hole in which you insert the bullet) is rather deep, I shoved a finger up there and it seems to run the length of the body…so like… if you see the suckers on the shaft, the hole runs pretty much that deep… stopping just below the head of the toy. It is also quite stretchy… so even though this does specifically name the We-Vibe, I think you could work other bullets into the sleeve, I tested this out with the Rocks-Off Touch of Velvet Bullet and it was able to fit into the hole (I know I said I wouldn’t… but I like to live dangerously)… and so far I have summoned no demons by doing so. Okay, so I have read other reviews (not of the Tentare specifically, but of other silicone sleeves/dildos with bullet holes) where the writer has recommended a dab of lube before you insert the bullet… but lube can sometimes create a seal or suction of the vibe to the toy. If you are having trouble removing your bullet from the sleeve push, don’t pull! I know… that sounds like crazy talk… but if you just pull, it’s like a Chinese finger trap and the silicone just grips tighter to the bullet. So the trick I learned is to use your thumb and start pushing it out of the shaft while wiggling the vibe back and forth. If you really feel like you want some extra help, you can dust your bullet in corn starch or similar powered to try and prevent drag.  My six (or is it seven) odd years of reviewing sex toys has culminated in this moment… where I can pass this torch of knowledge on to you…  you’re welcome. And now, like the Wizard in Shazam, I can disappear, having found a new champion of this power.

While the head of the Tentare has that perfect cupping shape to it… a shape that really screams “PUT YOUR CLIT HERE”… I found I actually preferred to use the very point of the toy to stroke my clit. I also very much enjoyed running the back side (with those spiney ridges) up and down my whole clit-ticular area (that’s a word, right?). The massive amount of texture also makes the Tentare a fabulous toy for some shallow penetration… I loved feeling each of those ridges going bump bump bump as I slowly insert the toy… feeling all of that amazing texture rubbing up against my vaginal entrance. It also transmits vibration surprisingly well, I honestly thought it was going to really dampen the power house that is the Tango… but it really didn’t. I still felt the Tango’s delicious rumbling vibes coming through the tip of the Tentare. One of my only complaints about the Tango is that the hard plastic can sometimes feel uncomfortable as I jam it hard against my clit (because sometimes a person is in the mood to just really jam it hard… get those vibrations traveling deep into the clit)… the Tentare’s silicone body turns the Tango into a softer, more plush experience. Your experience may very depending on the type of bullet you choose to use… a buzzy vibrator will obviously still be buzzy after inserting it into the Tentare… while its an awesome toy… it’s not magic, it can’t turn buzz into rumble.

Cleaning this chunk of dismembered tentacle is easy, since it is silicone you can toss it into the dishwasher (no soap), boil it, use a 10% bleach solution, or just go with the good old soap and warm water option. I thought, because of all the texture, this was going to be a bear to clean… but its really not. I’ve been washing mine in the sink and all the gunk just flushes right out… I have yet to break out the sex toy cleaning tooth brush I keep for textured toys that hoard goo. Also, being silicone, it is recommended that you steer clear of silicone base lubes… instead opt for something like a water based lube.

It’s probably worth a quick note… if you are buying this toy direct from Uberrime it is called the Tentare but if you are buying this from SheVibe they call it the Uberrime Talon or Dragon Claw (depending on the color you choose)… because I guess they are fancy  like that. It is still the exact same thing… just… when the Tentare arrived at SheVibe it was so happy to move out and leave Papa Uberrime behind (YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD) that it decided to reinvent itself… you know… like how we all had that Goth stage and insisted our friends and family all call us Black Moon Raine… it’s like that… only with Dragon Claw. Also, I would now like you all to call me Dragon Claw… cause that is way cooler than Black Moon Raine… not that I ever insisted anyone call me that… cough cough. But yeah, Dragon Claw and Talon = Tentare… no matter who you buy from, it is the same toy (just one is having an identity crisis).

I can 100% recommend the Uberrime Tentare Tentacle We-Vibe Tango Sleeve. The design of the Tentare, with all of its ridges and bumps and lumps and suction cups makes it such a visually appealing and versatile toy. You can practically create a new experience every time you use this toy just by rubbing a different section of its textured body against your clit! It is also possible to use the Tentare both externally and internally, which is awesomely versatile… and if texture is your thing, you really will be in heaven, trust me. Sadly, the We-Vibe Tango is not included… so you’ll have to already own a Tango or similar bullet in order to “activate” the vibrating powers of the Tentare.

Are you brave enough to bring home the Uberrime Tentare Tentacle We-Vibe Tango Sleeve? If so you can pick it up direct from Uberrime or you can hop on over to SheVibe and find it there!

The Uberrime Tentare Tentacle We-Vibe Tango Sleeve was provided to me free of charge by Uberrime in exchange for my honest review.

NOOooooo! Spooky Month is almost over! Where has the time gone?! It’s already week three of our SPOOKY EXTRAVAGANZA and I don’t feel like I’ve had nearly enough spooky in my life! It has been a weirdly lowkey October for me so far… I haven’t even watched Hocus Pocus yet! Usually by this time of the month I’ll have watched it at least four or five times! I AM SLACKING! I am going to have to just binge all the Halloween greats in one night to make up for it… I wont sleep until I’m spooked outta my gourd!

Although, with all that movie viewing… I’m going to want to take periodic breaks to stretch… and maybe masturbate… but like… spooky masturbation. Good thing I’ve got the perfect toy for spooky masturbating… the Blush Novelties Aria Hue G! Okay… I know the name isn’t exactly frightening (unless we are counting frighteningly long)… and it doesn’t look particularly monstrous… but how can you say no to that beautiful pumpkin orange color?! Spooky orange is quickly becoming one of my most favorite color for a sex toy… gimmie those October colors! I want to see ghostly pale dildos… pumpkin orange vibrators… ghoulishly green butt plugs… I WANT ALL THE SHADES OF THE SPOOKY RAINBOW!

You know what else makes the Aria Hue G super appropriate for Spooky Month… the fact that it is scary… SCARY GOOD at making me orgasm! Although… as it is with every other battery powered vibrator ever (or so it seems)… I initially doubted this little vibes abilities. I’ve used just enough shitty battery powered vibes in my life that every battery powered vibe is now suspect until it proves otherwise. I know they say don’t judge a book by its cover and all that… but I’ve just been burned one too many times… I can’t help it. When I hear “battery powered” I immediately think super weak vibrations… or even worse… super buzzy (like the I’ve got a fly caught in my pants kind of buzzy) and terrible… and that my friends… is the real horror story. Much to my surprise and delight though, this was not the Aria Hue G at all. The Hue G delivers some pretty high quality vibrations for something powered by a pair of AAA batteries. The vibrations of the Hue G are actually reasonably strong and dare I say… rumbly. The top speed of the Hue G is pretty similar to the lower speeds of either the We-Vibe Tango or the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet… if you are familiar with either of those vibrators. So for the price (around $30 bucks) and the fact that its battery vs being rechargeable… it’s pretty a pretty good vibrator.

The shape of the Aria Hue G is winner (at least I think so). I was able to obtain some most excellent g-spot orgasms with this toy. The toy itself is 6.5 inches in total length with 5 inches of insertable length and 1.39 inches in width. The shape of the Hue G is a fairly basic g-spot vibrator shape… nothing super fancy in its shape. At the end of (what feels like a too short shaft) is a knobby head that is perfectly shaped for honing in on the g-spot. I think the only minor (like very minor) complaint I have is about the shaft of the toy, it’s flexible. On the one hand… this does mean that a might warlock such as yourself is able to bend the Hue G to your will… but on the other hand… it means I can’t put quite as much pressure down into my g-spot as I would like… as the shaft just flexes with me. This feature could either be a bonus or an annoyance… depending on how you like to use your vibrators. Also, something kind of interesting with the design of the Hue G is that it has two points of vibration, which means you can feel the vibration around the entire head of the toy, allowing you to stimulate both the roof and floor (top and bottom?) of the vaginal equally… which is kind of a nice touch.

Something I do find quite frightening about the Aria Hue G… it’s single button control. Sure limiting the button choices also eliminates any confusion… but it’s always something I find mildly irritating when a toy has any more than three vibration settings. Three settings I have the patience to scroll through… any more than that and I am instantly cursing the toy whenever I want to switch from one setting to the other… as you have to cycle through the roster of vibrations until you circle back around to the one you want. The Hue G has a total of 10 vibration modes, which means if you were on mode 6 and you feel like going back down to 5 you have to cycle through 7, 8, 9, 10, 1, 2, 3, and 4 before reaching 5 again. I know this sounds like a minor nuisance (and it really is pretty minor)… but hot damn is it something that always gets under my skin. It is also possible to just turn the Hue G off and back on again to be instantly transported back to the first vibration setting. To do that just press and hold down the button for 3 seconds to turn it off then repeat to fire the Aria Hue G back up again. I suppose though, it could be argued that having just one button simplifies things in the heat of the moment… you don’t have to fumble over two or three different buttons trying to remember which button does which just by feel… so… its probably not the worst feature… but I’m still not the biggest fan of single button controls.

Another spooky feature of the Blush Novelties Aria Hue G is that it is whisper quiet… like a ghost… The packaging does say “whisper quiet” right on it… but more often than not I find that to be a totally bogus claim… that the toy in question isn’t at all “whisper” quiet… unless you mean a loud whisper… bordering on a loud hum. Or a toy will claim its whisper quiet… only because there isn’t any strength to its motor… its whisper quiet because the vibrations are barely there. Blush Novelties is actually delivering on its promise of a ghost like toy… you hardly know its there… at least until your skin starts to tingle and you feel a chill go down your spine… (is that a haunting… or just an orgasm you feel….).

The Aria Hue G is made from silicone, which means using a non-silicone based lube is recommended. The silicone has a very touchable satin smooth finish, when lubed up I found it had minimal drag to it (although sometimes I like that little bit of drag… although thats more with a thrusting toy… I didn’t do a whole lot of thrusting with the Hue G… the shaft is just too short for that). The Hue G is waterproof, which makes washing it a breeze, just run it under the tap and use good old fashion mild soap and water (because it is a vibrator, don’t toss it in the dishwasher or boil it).

If you have ever asked “I want a g-spotting toy… but make it spooky” then I can’t recommend the Blush Novelties Aria Hue G enough. Just look at that orange color… how could you not fall in love? Sure, Blush officially calls the color “Tangerine” but whatever… we all know its spooky pumpkin orange. If orange is not your jam, I suppose you could also purchase it in Lime, Plum, or Cerise… but why would you want to? If you are on the hunt of a g-spotting toy that works but is also affordable… again…. I can’t recommend the Hue G enough. The price point is thoroughly within reach of most budgets (I figure if I could possibly afford something… its budget friendly… because I never have any money) and you don’t compromise toy quality just for the sake of saving a few bucks. A great purchase for anyone buying their first toy, a student living in a dorm room situation, a person with roommates, or just anyone who appreciates a quality g-spot vibrator at a reasonable price! Also, if you are curious about other toys in Blush’s Aria line… I’ve reviewed a handful, check them out!

Ready to bring home the Blush Novelties Aria Hue G? Well, you’re in luck! It just so happens the Hue G is available at some of my favorite online retailers! Find it at Peepshow Toys (use code KITTEN for 10% off), Betty’s Toy Box (Use the code KITTEN for 10% off), and SheVibe!

The Blush Novelties Aria Hue G was provided to me free of charge by Blush Novelties in exchange for my honest review. 

HAPPY STUFFSGIVING YA’LL! Did you just say “what’s Stuffsgiving?” Why… it’s only the greatest month of the year (well… besides Spooky Month)! All November long we celebrate the true meaning of Stuffsgiving by stuffing ourselves silly with dildos… butt plugs… and yes, even vibrators. If you can cram it into one or more of your holes… it is Stuffsgiving approved. I am kicking off the holiday season with the Uberrime Element 4. Yes, it is a smaller dildo, but it is still pretty early in Stuffsgiving season, so I decided I was going to start out easy… with just a light stuffing… you know… so has to not fill myself up too full before the month really begins. I’ve got to pace myself.

Uberrime’s line of Element toys (of which there are 5) are meant to be Uberrime’s answer to a call for more affordable, smaller, less complicated silicone toys. Uberrime’s toys (at least in my experience thus far) do tend to run on the large size (if you are a member of the Royal Family of size lovers, as I am, you’ll be like a kid in a candy shop looking through Uberrime’s shop) and can quickly become expensive (but the toys have been of such amazing quality I have never once batted an eye at the price… these are hand sculpted, hand poured works of fucking art after all… art that you can put in all your hungry holes). But, if your budget (or tastes) are on the smaller side, the Element toys are are here for you! You can excellent hand sculpted, hand poured, silicone art for your vagina/ass but with a smaller size and price tag… it is really a win all around.

So I technically only own the Element 3 and 4… and have yet to lay eyes on the 1, 2 and 5 (I mean… beyond pictures)… so I can’t say definitively that the Element 4 is my favorite of the Element toys… but I can say without a doubt it is my all time favorite Uberrime Element of the Element toys I own… The Element line seems to be designed with anatomy in mind. Instead of adding a lot of textures and other aesthetic (yet functionally useless) bling, Uberrime has opted to focus on creating toys that are simple yet effective. The Element 4 has a shape that I find super inviting, a shape that is 100% meant for both g-spot and p-spot stimulation. The toy’s head has a very pronounced forward leaning head, which gives it that kind of come-hither, crooked finger shape that is excellent (in my experience) for providing extra pressure against the g-spot (or p-spot). While the pronounced head is excellent, what really sold me on this toy is the bulgy middle, Uberrime sculpted this lobed bulge to resemble fingers, which is cool… I can see that… but I just like the added girth that it gives this toy… the fact that it kind of feels like fingers pressed together, stroking my g-spot… that’s just a bit of extra bonus.

I wanna talk about the girth of this toy some more, because its my favorite feature. So the bulge has a diameter of 1.59 inches… making it a adorably portly little dildo. And what I like so much about this bulging middle is that it kind of turns this petite dildo into the perfect vagina plug. I have found that one of my favorite ways to use the Element 4 is to insert the toy and just clench around it, letting the head push into my g-spot while the bulging middle gives me that perfect feeling of fullness right at my vaginal entrance. From there I like to squirm and buck and feel the head continue to push into my g-spot while I use a vibrator on my clit. Heaven. The Element can also be used as a thrusting toy, if that’s your jam. I find there isn’t quite as much length as I would like for a thrusting toy… the Element 4 measures in with a total length of 5.75 inches and 5 inches of insertable length… it isn’t a tiny toy… runs around that fairly average “penis” length… but I like a lot more shaft if I’m going to use a toy with wild thrusting abandon.

The Uberrime Element 4 is made from a medium density (8A Shore… if you are a smart person who understands that kind of jargon… not me…) silicone. I think it feels reasonably firm with just enough squish to it to keep the toy feeling comfortable. It definitely has some bend and flex to it… but I was also able to place it on my floor and “ride” it without it crumpling or bending out of shape. Does any of that make any sense to you? If not… sorry… here is the TLDR version of all that: it’s made of silicone. Being made of silicone, it means that any lube but silicone lube is recommended and it is also super easy to clean. Throw it in a pot of boiling water, toss it in the dishwasher (top rack, no soap), use a 10% bleach solution, or just run it under the tap. Your options are endless (okay… there actually is an end to the number of ways you can actually clean this… but I wanted to say something that sounded exciting)!

Currently the Element 4 comes in Mermaid Blue (which is featured in this review), Jack Copper Red, Glittery Gold, Lavender, Rose Gold, and Luster Black. If those colors are not fantastic enough for you, you can pay a little extra and have your Element 4 (or any of the Elements) made in your choice of two-color marbling! Not to tell you what to do or anything… but the marbling Uberrime does looks pretty fucking fantastic… so… I’d go with that if I were you.

I can highly recommend the Uberrime Element 4, whether you are looking for a silicone toy that doesn’t break the bank or something on the smaller side, the Element 4 is an excellent choice. The Element 4 also makes a fantastic warm up dildo… which is something I have definitely used it for. Also the base is totally flared, so its safe for anal use and I especially think its great for anal warm ups… the bulge in the middle feels just about right when I’m working my way towards taking something larger. The Element 4 is just all around an excellent dildo… but… was I really expecting it to be anything less… Uberrime does good work.

Ready to bring home the Uberrime Element 4? You can purchase one directly from Uberrime! If like an Airbender, you wish to master all of the Elements you can also find the Element 1, Element 2, Element 3, Element 5 in Uberrime’s shop!

The Uberrime Element 4 was provided to me free of charge by Uberrime in exchange for my honest review. 

Oh HOT DAMN! It’s November 11th… do you know what that means?! HAPPY SINGLES DAY! Okay… I technically only found out about Singles Day last year… because I’m not cool and hip and never know what is going on… BUT DAMMIT… now that I know about it… I’m going to CELEBRATE IT. If you are like the me of last year and have no idea what I’m talking about… Singles Day is the anti-Valentine’s Day movement started by a group of college kids and a holiday that has steadily grown since its creation in 1993. I think of it as a day to treat yourself… because your awesome… and as Emma Watson (some what oddly) phrased it… “you’re self-partnered.”

Last year I reviewed the Touch Automated Lube and Oil Warmer by Warm because I have an obsession with being warm… especially in November… because here in Minnesota… it is already cold… like really cold… like my hands are a pair of ice-blocks as I write this cold. So when I think of treating myself to something nice in November… it usually has something to do with being warm. This Singles Day is no different… I’m still all about being cozy warm. Which is why I am reviewing the Coco de Mur Massage Candle.

A massage candle?! I must be kidding right?! Massage candles are for people with partners! Let me stop you right there and just say… MASSAGE CANDLES ARE FOR EVERYONE! That’s right… here at KittenBoheme.com we believe that you can use a massage candle regardless of your current person attachment state. Single, couple, throuple, fuck buddies, friends with bennies, someone you only have occasional hate sex with… doesn’t matter… you can use a massage candle… and you should… because they are fucking delightful as hell. Okay… yes… you’re right… you won’t be able to massage your own back (unless you are like… super flexable)… but backs aren’t the only thing that like to be rubbed. When giving myself a solo massage I like to rub my upper arms and what I can reach of my shoulders, my neck, my chest, my legs, my feet, my hands… pretty much… anywhere I can reach… which is most of my body (except for my back… because I’m about as flexible as a plywood board).

I’ve actually had this massage candle for awhile now, but I’ve only just recently started using it. Earlier this summer I reviewed the Olivia’s Boudoir Tuxedo Massage Candle… well, I’ve technically have owned the Coco de Mur candle much longer than I’ve owned that one… I just never got around to testing it out. Part of me was anxious about ruining such a pretty candle… so instead of enjoying it… I just displayed it on my bedside table. Back in high school my friends would gift me novelty shaped candles… things like tie-dyed mushrooms or hand-carved cats… and I would never use them. They would just sit on a shelf, gathering dust, until finally heat and humidity wrped them and made them all weird and ugly… and eventually they disappeared (I think my mom threw them out). So, with that in mind… and the fact that I ended up loving the Olivia’s Boudoir candle… I decided it was time to take the plunge and light up the Coco de Mure Massage Candle.

The Coco de Mur candle was part of the same prize package as the Uprize and the Happy Rabbit Curve that I won from Lovehoney’s Star Wars Day contest. The idea of the contest was to re-create a scene from Star Wars using sex toys… So I attached my CalExotics Mini Marvels Marvelous Teaser to the back of my Tantus Zombie Gary and then photoshopped them into the Swamps of Dagoba… its utterly ridiculous… and I am as surprised as you are that I won with that madness. BUT… I am super enthused that I did win… because I got some super awesome prizes… which I turned into super awesome reviews… sooo… HOORAY FOR ME!

Okay, so I really liked the last massage candle I reviewed (you know, the Olivia’s Boudoir one)… but… I freakin’ LOVE this Coco de Mur candle. The scent is super addicting… I want to smell like this ALL. THE. TIME. The label calls this scent “Enraptured Figment” which sounds like nonsense but is an amazing combo of fig, cedarwood, ylang ylang, jasmine and orange-blossom that smells like heaven. It also lingers on the skin for quite a long time… so for a couple hours after a massage… I get to walk around the house still smelling like pure magic. I also love the way it feels on my skin… it is very smooth… almost silky… and it glides like a dream. With some lotions, a massage can end up feeling “draggy” as the lotion sinks into skin (at least this is the experience I’ve had… but I don’t buy expensive fancy lotions… I buy lotion from Target…) and you end up having to reapply lotion frequently to keep things comfortable… but with the Coco de Mur Candle… it stays slippy much longer… it felt like I had to do fewer applications of the oil than I would if I was massaging myself with lotion. It does eventually absorb onto your skin though… which is nice… no one wants to feel slick and oily after a massage… that isn’t sexy (or at least its not my sexy).

“Activating” your massage candle is as easy as lighting a match (or two… or three… if you are spectacularly bad at lighting matches… like I am). Lighting the massage candle is no different than lighting any other candle… it’s like lighting a Yankee Candle… only way sexier. Once you have your candle lit, just wait a few minutes for the oil the melt and once enough has pooled you can blow your candle out and either use the included spoon to scoop the oil out… or (if you are as classy as I am) just dump it straight from the jar. I recommend giving the oil just a second or two to cool after blowing out the flame… unless you like that burning hot wax feeling. When you are finished with your candle, just set it aside to cool and the candle will harden back to its original state.

I feel like I should note, this is not a massage candle for those who have sensitivity to scents, as it is quite strong and can become overpowering if the candle is left lit for too long. I’m sensitive to some scents… and can become very quickly overwhelmed by scents that are super strong or chemical smelling scents. Random… and almost unrelated fact… but since we are talking about scents… the smell of marijuana gives me the worst migraine. Sitting in the same room as someone smoking (or who has recently smoked) will knock me out for the rest of the day with my eyes pounding, my head throbbing, my neck aching… its awful. So anyway… I guess what I am saying here is just be aware of your own or your partners tolerance to scents. If you are planning a special evening with a partner and want to include a massage candle like the Coco de Mure… first find out if they like perfume-like smells.

I highly recommend the Coco de Mer Massage Candle, I think it is absolutely divine! It is great for foreplay fun, an intimate night with a partner, a relaxing solo experience, or a bit of tantalizing sensation play! It’s a very lovely massage candle and totally worthy of treating yourself with this Singles Day!

The Coco de Mer Massage Candles used to be available at Lovehoney… but they are only carrying a few Coco de Mer items at this time (mostly restraints)… I am not sure if there is any plans to restock the massage candles or not. SheVibe also used to carry this candle… but my search is turning up empty there as well. So it looks like if you really want to give the Coco de Mer Massage Candle a try you will have to order direct from Coco de Mer… which is in London… so you’ll be paying for international shipping, unless you live within the UK. If I see one of my preferred retailers stocking this massage candle again, I’ll be sure to update this post!

The Coco de Mer Massage Candle was a prize in a contest hosted by Lovehoney and won by Kitten Boheme.

I don’t know what it is about Black Friday… but it always gets me super hyped up. I don’t even go out shopping… I may take advantage of an online deal or two… (mostly sex toys)… but there is something about the excitement of the “holiday” that really gets me going! Maybe its the thrill of the hunt… it must awaken some ancient part of me that wants to hunt and gather for food… but since I don’t have to do that… we get our thrills anyway we can… even if that thrill is just finding super great deals on vibrators and books!

If you are looking for some super awesome Black Friday/Cyber Monday sales and deals on sex toys, bondage gear, porn, and more be sure to visit my 2019 Black Friday/Cyber Monday post! Some pre-Black Friday sales have already started and I’ll keep adding more as they go live!

I know we all love a great sex toy deal… but you know whats even better than an awesome sale? FREE SEX TOYS! So this year I thought I’d do a Black Friday Giveaway and give one lucky person a FREE dildo! Be sure to BOOK MARK THIS PAGE and visit it for daily entries to increase your chances of winning!

WHAT YOU’LL WIN: Uberrime Bella Dual Density Dildo 

The Bella Dual Density Silicone 8 Inch Dildo By Uberrime is a hand sculpted, hand poured piece of art!

Latin for “beautiful” or “very handsome,” the Bella DUAL Density features fine, realistic details in luxury platinum silicone. With two layers of silicone: Bella’s dense, firm core creates the structure for a thick outer layer of squishy-soft silicone. Bella’s raised veins, bundled foreskin, and intentional horizontal brush strokes are designed to offer a skin-like feel. The somewhat exaggerated size and head will give a full, squishy feel, with good G-Spot or prostate impact.

• Length: 8″
• Head: Circumference: 6.25″; Diameter 1.97″
• Foreskin Circumference: 5.75″; Diameter 1.83″
• Shaft Circumference: 5.33″ Maximum; Diameter 1.7″
• Insertable Length: 7.25″
• Density: Dual Density (Firm Core, Soft Outer Skin)
• Base: Flared and Harness Compatible
• Material: Platinum Silicone, Skin-Safe & Phthalate-Free

FOLLOW THE RULES:

• • This contest will run from November 20, 2019 to November 30,  2019.
  • The contest is open to US ONLY!
  • You must be 18 years or older to enter.
  • Absolutely NO giveaway accounts. I check EVERY Twitter and Tumblr account, if you only share giveaway posts, your entries will be void. This is a contest for real people, not giveaway bots!
  • One winner will be randomly selected and contacted by me via email within seven days of the contest ending. The winner then has 48 hours to reply to me with their address otherwise another winner will be drawn. The winner agrees to provide me with their name, email, phone number and shipping address. On conclusion of the giveaway, Uberrime will ship directly to the winner.

Whelp, it looks like it’s that time of the year again… SUPER SEX TOY SALE SEASON! Are you ready to get your Black Friday game on?! I hope so… because I have some pretty spectacular sex toy sales and deals to share with you! Retailers have really gone to some great lengths to bring you some exceptional sex toy deals this year… I’ve been sent a number of “sneak peeks” to help me prepare for Black Friday/Cyber Monday… and let me tell you… I’m stoked. There are one or two deals I can’t wait to smash the BUY NOW button on.

I’m also doing something a little bit different this year… I know deeply discounted sex toys are great… but you know what is even better than that? FREE sex toys! This year, as part of my Black Friday EXTRAVAGANZA I will be giving away a Uberrime Dual Density Bella! Just click on over to the GIVEAWAY PAGE and follow the instructions to be entered to win this most awesome silicone dildo!

As always, if there is a toy you have been dying to have all year long… but just haven’t bought yet… go ahead and let me know what that toy is and I can help you find the best deal on it! Feel free to leave it in a comment below, tweet me at @KittenBoheme or just use good ol’ fashioned email and I will do my best to make sure you get what you are looking for and at the best possible price we can find!

And with that… let’s get onto the sales! Be sure to bookmark THIS PAGE and check back frequently, deals will be coming and going like crazy!

NOTE: I will update this page as I am notified of sales. Check back frequently! Most FLASH SALES will not be reveled until BLACK FRIDAY/CYBER MONDAY, so keep watching this page for some great deals that will go fast! 

BLACK FRIDAY/CYBER MONDAY SALES ARE HERE!

Note: Some links may appear ‘dead’ or inactive until the sale goes live. Whenever possible, I’ve listed the sales start and end dates underneath each sale image!

LIBERATOR

Pre-Black Friday Sale: Take 25% off SITE-WIDE!  Take 30% off SEX TOYS! Use the code UNWRAP at checkout! Discount code also works with items found in the SALES SECTION!

Free shipping on orders of $75 or more! Free gift on orders of $200 or more!

SHOP LIBERATOR NOW!

FLESHLIGHT

Pre-Black Friday Sale: Buy any FLESHLIGHT GIRLS SLEEVE and CASE and get a FREE Mystery Sleeve!

FREE Quickshot Vantage and 4oz bottle of Fleshlube with the purchase of a QUICKSHOT LAUNCH!

LIMITED EDITION ICE SLEEVES available now through Black Friday – While Supplies Last!

SHOP FLESHLIGHT NOW!

GOOD VIBRATIONS

Pre-Black Friday Sale: Take 25% off a single item! No minimum order!

Get a FREE SPRITZ VIBRATOR with any order of $80 or more!

Get a FREE Hot Octopus Tot Bag with the purchase of a HOT OCTOPUS DIGIT FINGER VIBRATOR!

Get a FREE ASTRO VIBEwith the purchase of a ROXIE RECHARGEABLE VIBRATOR!

SHOP GOOD VIBRATIONS NOW!

STOCKROOM

Pre-Black Friday Sale: Find up to 30% off IN-HOUSE BONDAGE GEAR and SEX TOYS! – Sale Ends November 22nd

Check out the STOCKROOM DAILY DEAL! A pair of deals at 20% (or more) off, rotating every 48 hours!

STOCKROOM OUTLET SALE! Find up to 70% off Bondage Gear, Sex Toys, Box, DVDs and more!

SHOP STOCKROOM NOW!

LOVEHONEY

Early Access Black Friday Sale: Find up to 50% off SEX TOYS, LINGERIE, BONDAGE, and LOVEHONEY’S TOP PICKS!

Take 30% off TENGA ZERO FLIP HOLE RECHARGEABLE VIBRATING MASTURBATOR!

Take 10% off DOXY VIBRATING MASSAGE WAND!

Black Friday Lightning Deal of the Day: Take an extra 25% off Rabbit Vibrators! – This Deal Ends at MIDNIGHT 11/22

ZUMIO

Take 15% off the ZUMIO X or the ZUMIO S!  Use the code ZUM2020 at checkout!

These vibrators are in my top 10 favorite vibes… heck… they might be in my top 3!! I love these so much, don’t miss out on this rare discount!

SHOP ZUMIO NOW!

LUVOQA

Find 20 – 30% off 175+ toys from some of the best-selling sex toy brands! Luvoqa’s sale will include brands such as Fun Factory, Hot Octopuss, Rianne S, We-Vibe, Womanizer and so much more! Visit their BLACK FRIDAY SALES PAGE to learn more!

International Retailers

Shopping outside of the US? Here are some Black Friday Sales for you (Though most US Retailers do offer international shipping)!

LOVEHONEY UK

Doxy Wand Massager – 10% off!

Black Friday Early Access Sex Toy Deals – Up to 50% off!

Black Friday Early Access Lingerie Deals – Up to 50% off!

Black Friday Early Access Bondage Deals – Up to 50% off!

Black Friday Early Access Lovehoney’s Top Picks – Up to 50% off!

Fleshlight Launch Interactive Masturbator – 10% off!

Lovesense 2 App Controlled Vibrator – 20% off!

LELO Smart Wand Large – 20% off!

LELO Insignia Soraya Luxury Vibrator – 50% off!

LELO Lokie Luxury Prostate Massager – 20% off!

Lovehoney Classic Mains Powered Magic Wand Vibrator – 30% off!

Deal of the Week – 40% off Purple Reins Bondage Items!

Check out the Deal of the Day for a mega discount that rotates every 24 hours!