I am really not a big fan of Fifty Shades of Grey, everything about the story just kind of rubs me the wrong way. The characters are bland and predictable, the story is a snooze fest, the only thing I liked was the sex (and even some of that writing I found questionable.) However, I am a big fan of vibrating wands! So I was pretty willing to overlook the obnoxious Fifty Shades of Grey branding in favor of adding another wand to my collection! Much like my last Lovehoney review, this toy also has a long mouthful of a name: “Fifty Shades of Grey Holy Cow! Vibrating Wand” – that exclamation point in the name is going to drive me nuts throughout this review…. anyway…
Thankfully, other than “Fifty Shades of Grey” being written on the shiny, chrome-like face plate of the handle, there is no other book/movie tie-in gimmick with this wand. Right out of the packaging, I was actually very impressed with the way the wand felt. It is very light-weight, which I wasn’t expecting. Having gotten used to my Magic Wand, I was expecting an arm workout when I picked this wand up, but it is both easy and comfortable to hold for an extended period of time. With the exception of the face plate, the entire wand is covered in a very luxurious black silicone. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting something quite so silky. Just give me a moment while I sit here and pet my vibrator. Shhh, nice wand, good wand…. yes, let mamma stroke you….MMmmmmm….
Where the Fifty Shades of Grey Holy Cow! Wand falls short for me is power. I am a power hog, if it the vibrations don’t measure at least a 9.2 on the Richter Scale, I’m not interested. Unlike Miss Anastasia Steele, this wand did not have me screaming “Holy cow!” in any wild, toe curling orgasms. Sure, it has power, just not enough for me. Will it replace my Magic Wand? No. Will it replace my Doxy? No. But, it does come in at a close third. I don’t hate it, it is a greater starter toy, works well to get me warmed up, but I need something with more rumble to bring me to an orgasm while I masturbate. But, this doesn’t mean the Holy Cow! doesn’t have any power at all, I was impressed with what it did have, and for someone who finds the Magic Wand to be too intense, this is going to be a great step down for you.
One thing the Holy Cow! Wand does have over my Magic Wand or Doxy is that it is shorter. This is great, because it is much less cumbersome to use during sex. I can hold it to my clit while being penetrated and not feel like I have an extra third person between us. And, where it lacks in power during solo masturbation, it almost makes up for it during partner play – where I don’t require as much power to achieve orgasm and appreciate a much slower buildup to orgasm.
I love that this wand is rechargeable. I love that about any sex toy. I love that more and more toys are becoming rechargeable. I remember getting my very first vibrator in the mail, I was so excited, I could barely contain myself, and when the package arrived, I ripped into it only to discover I needed freakin’ D cell batteries. Who keeps D cell batteries in their house, seriously? Also, I was a broke college freshman living on her own, so I didn’t have a ready supply of cash in which to purchase batteries. So, I emptied my change jar, dug through couch cushion, went through coat pockets, and managed to scrounged up like eight bucks so I could slink to the gas station a few blocks away and buy batteries for my illicit entertainment. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is – rechargeable, YAY! Buuuuuuut… it only comes with a USB charger, meaning I either have to free up a port on my laptop or sacrifice my iPhone wall cube, to charge this bad boy, both situations are slightly inconvenient but more tolerable than searching for batteries. If you share a desktop computer in the living room, finding time to charge your wand might be awkward – unless you have really cool roommates.
Speaking of rechargeable. Figuring out how to charge this thing was a bit of an adventure. You see, that silky silicone happens to covers the entire wand… from head to tip… with no obvious port for plugging it in. For real, I turned this sucker over and over, looking for the charging port and could not find it. Even after consulting the manual – which shows you plugging it in via the very tip – I was dubious. Turns out there is a plastic membrane like deal covering the charging port. So, every time you need to plug your wand in, you need to push the plug through that… kind of like breaking a hymen (that was awful, why did I write that?).
One other thing I’m not super thrilled about with the Holy Cow! Wand is its buttons. There are three flat buttons etched into the silicone body on what I would call the backside of the wand. You use the + to turn it on and increase the speed, the O to change up your patterns, and the – to decrease the speed and if you push and hold it, it will turn the wand off. The buttons take more force then I think is reasonable to work, I really have to mash my thumb against them to make anything happen. I think this toy could be greatly improved by having buttons that were raised, rather than sunk into the toy.
Another bonus about the Fifty Shades of Grey Holy Cow! is that it is waterproof! So feel free to take your wand out of the bedroom and into the shower or bathtub or to your next sexy pool party! I haven’t tried it in water yet, so I can’t vouch for just how waterproof it is, but Lovehoney does advertise it as being “submersible.”
Because the body is covered in silicone, I do recommend that you use a water-based or hybrid lubricant with this toy. But, since it is waterproof, cleanup is a breeze! Just wash it down with a little soap and water or your favorite toy cleanser and you are good to go.
Do I recommend the Fifty Shades of Grey Holy Cow! Vibrating Wand? Probably. I wouldn’t recommend it to other folks who are like myself – power hungry. It isn’t an equal to the Original Magic Wand or Doxy, if you were looking for something like either of those, I might say skip this one. But, for its “power class” it is a nice wand, it is a step or two down from the Magic Wand, but still has enough oomph to hold its own. I would recommend the Holy Cow! for people who are more sensitive, who are new to vibrating wands and aren’t yet sure how much power they need, or as a companion toy to be used during other activities (like penetration, or maybe your own Fifty Shades of Grey role play session.) If you are a big fan of Fifty Shades of Grey, you might just enjoy owning a piece of the official sex toy collection approved by the author E. L. James. Overall, it is a great little wand, well made, and with more power then your average wand (even if it falls short of my true love the Magic Wand.).
You can purchase a Fifty Shades of Grey Holy! Cow Vibrating Wand from Lovehoney for $119.99 or if you are in the UK, it is available their their UK store for £74.99.
And if you really love Fifty Shades of Grey, check out the rest of the Official Pleasure Collection!
The Fifty Shades of Grey Holy Cow! Vibrating Wand was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review.