It’s here! IT’S FINALLY HERE! It’s SPOOoooOOOOooOOoooky Month! I have never been more excited for Spooky Month than I am now… 2020 has been a complete wreck and I am ready for something good to happen. Or at least something spooky. Halloween is my favorite holiday and October is my favorite month so we are going to celebrate the ever lovin’ heck out of October 2020… because dammit, we need it!
How do we celebrate Spooky Month you ask? Why, with SPOOOoooOOOoooky Reviews! Throughout October I’ll be reviewing Spooky Month themed toys… be it Halloween colored toys, monster themed toys, weird toys, and so on and so forth. I try to keep it fun and spooky related and a good time is had by all!
Now that you are caught up with the whole vibe of Spooky Month let’s kick things off, shall we?
SPOOKY MONTH 2020 HAS OFFICIALLY COMMENCED!
I spent a lot of time (I’m not kidding, I really did) trying to decide what toy should kick of my spooky extravaganza. I didn’t want to come out of the gate too strong… we need to build up the spooky gradually… building the anticipation… you know… but I also wanted to start Spooky Month on a totally rock solid note… because if the first toy sucks… why would you come back for the rest of Spooky Month? So I did a lot of deliberation on this. In the end, I think I found the perfect toy.
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The Uberrime Spiro!
Why the Spiro? Well, 1. Uberrime is like my all time fav dildo maker. So I know any toy from them is going to be excellent. 2. My particular Spiro has a perfectly spooky, irradiated candy corn look to it. 3. I actually really liked the Sprio, so I get to write about something I enjoyed that is also spookylicious.
First off, I love the coloring of this dildo. Usually I start a sex toy review with stuff about the toys shape or how I liked using it or whatever, I don’t usually talk about color until somewhere near the end, but I love the color of this Spiro so much we are going to talk about it first. It is super eye-catching, it stands out in a crowd, it draws you in, its a color that screams “USE ME, I’M FUN!” It’s bright neon, UV-reactive pigments give it the look of something that has fallen into a vat of toxic goo and has come out mutated and glowing. My first thought upon pulling it from the box was that it looked a bit like candy corn gone wild. The bright yellow to orange looks almost edible… but also somewhat toxic. It’s an excellent color, I highly recommend. It blends in really well with my shelf display of Halloween sex toys that I put out every year… because that is a thing normal people do. I wish my photos did the colors of this dildo justice… just look at these… then imagine something brighter… more irradiated looking.
Now that we have my color lust outta the way… the Shape of this dildo is also super interesting to both me and my greedy vagina. I think the shape of the head is super unique, it’s like almost what you would expect the head of a penis to look like… but not quite… (obviously a side-effect of the toxic sludge responsible for this dildo) because its got flat edges. You know how when you smush your face against a window your nose gets all flat? That is what the head of the Spiro reminds me of, a smushed and flattened nose. Spiro’s head also has a very prominent ridge, which I found to be pretty great for targeting my g-spot.
Also that girthy shaft. Just look at all that girth, that is some good girth. But it doesn’t run the whole length of the shaft, it is at its chubbiest partway down the shaft, just below the head then reduces back down in size down near the base of the toy. Also the shaft features a set of very subtle ridges, which adds a delightful hint of texture. This toy was just made for long, slow drags in and out of my vagina. I love feeling the chubby middle pop in and out and those ridges brushing against my vaginal walls. Its a delicious experience that is really worth savoring!
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With the smushed head and girthy shaft… I think its shape is best described as “quirky.” It is a quirky dildo. And I mean that in the very best way. THE VERY BEST WAY.
Size-wise the Uberrime Spiro is a chonky dildo, but it isn’t a huge toy. It’s insertable length is 6.5 inches (total length is 7 inches), so slightly above average but nothing unmanageable. Now, girth-wise we are looking at a head circumference of 5 inches (again, chonky, but not unmanageable) and a max circumference of 5.5 inches around the widest point of the mid-shaft bulge. So over all, it is above average…but nice. For me it is really hitting my size sweet spot, I like to feel filled up without being stretched to the max (I mean… sometimes I like being stretched to the max… but I have to be in a certain mood for that). Also, another nice thing about the Spiro is that it is soft (Uberrime says the silicone is about a shore 8), which makes the toy much more flexible and makes the bigger girth far more forgiving, as my vagina is able to squish it down and make it fit. It’s not at all like trying to shove in an unyielding firm toy… (The Incredible Hunk I reviewed a looooooong time ago comes to mind… that was a FAT toy that had no give to it).
Normally, I use a dildo in one of two ways. I either like to just hold it inside and squeeze around it, enjoying to feeling of being filled and flexing my vagina muscles around it, or I liked to be able to thrust with wild and reckless abandon…. there is no in-between. At least until now… the Spiro makes me use a dildo in a completely new way… slow and deliberately. I like to take things nice and slow with the Spiro. I like to really enjoy its chonky shaft and subtle ridges as they glide against my vaginal walls and across my labia. I like to savor this toy. I also like to take the flat side of Spiro’s head and cup my clit with it, giving it a good rub. The g-spotting is where this toy really shined for me though, the head really was just right for hitting my g-spot with slow, shallow thrusts. I’m getting chills just thinking about it. At the risk of over selling this dildo… it was straight up magic for me.
I didn’t brave the Spiro anally, I just wasn’t feeling up to trying out the girth. But this toy can 100% be used up your butt, the flared base will keep this toy from escaping your grasp and plunging into your ass, exploring your greatest depths, and eventually squirming its way up to your brain where it will take over your now husk of a self, piloting your meat suit as it works to take over the world. I have a feeling the Spiro would make an excellent anal toy for the more adventurous, the girth and the ridges of the mid-shaft section would feel really good I bet (and the softer texture should keep things pretty comfortable). I’m not sure about using this toy in a harness, it is no doubt possible, it looks like it would fit in most harnesses. I just have to wonder about the weight of this toy, since all of its heft is at the front end of the dildo, it may just droop in a harness and make it a little more difficult to use, unless you are willing to hold and guide it by hand. But this is only speculation, I don’t have my harness handy… so if you do use it in a harness, report back to me and let me know how it was!
The Uberrime Spiro does come in three other colors… but why would you want anything but spooky irradiated toxic candy corn (or as Uberrime calls it “orange to yellow”)? So you’ve got some aesthetic options (but again… it comes in spooky orange, so why would you want anything else). At this time the Spiro only comes in one size… but part of me would like to see a slightly scaled up version… I don’t know why… I guess I just fantasize about taking big dildos (even though I often can’t).
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The silicone material is a breeze to keep clean. You can go the simple soap and tap water route or you can jazz it up a bit and throw it in a pot of boiling water for a quick bath. Personally I am lazy so I just throw my dildos into the top rack of my dishwasher and run it (no soap) on the sanitize cycle. But you do you, silicone is easy clean up. Silicone will also last you ages if you take care of it, so you can pass on the Spiro to your future generations… tell them its an ancient relic unearthed in the deepest depths of a sacred cave. Also be sure to tell them about the curse. Every good relic needs a curse.
Okay, I know I probably say this every time I use an Uberrime dildo, but I think the Spiro is one of my favorite dildo’s so far. The unique shape, the girth, the interesting head with the prominent ridge… it all comes together so flawlessly and creates just an excellent masturbation experience. I love this toy. I really want you to love this toy. I want us all to love this toy so much that we forget about all our problems and just love each other and our dildos. Although this is a Spooky Month dildo… so it may just be forcing me to love it using weird spooky pheromones… and it is trying to lure me into some kind of Spiro Cult where I will be forced to sexually pleasure its leader as he brain washes me into thinking that Spiro is an ancient god that I must make human sacrifices to or else it will rise and destroy the world. Its either that or I actually really love this dildo. 100% do recommend the Uberrime Spiro and I am not being forced to say that by a demonic cult leader.
Ready to bring the spooky dildo magic home for yourself? Pick up the Uberrime Spiro from Shevibe! The color selection may vary with availability… so I can’t promise you that you’ll be able to snag a radioactive candy corn version… but the dildo is awesome no matter what color you end up with! To check out what other colors SheVibe is carrying, just do a quick search for “Spiro” and the other options should magically appear (also, SheVibe has given the various colors way cooler names than what’s found in Uberrime’s own shop… Nebula? Namor?).
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