Okay, we couldn’t make heads nor tails of this one. We walked away from it scratching our heads and feeling like great big dummies. My Stunt Cock has been expressing an interest in wanting to try out a penis pump, or something with suction (I think he is jealous of my extensive Satsifyer and Womanizer collection)… so when I was looking for my next toy to review from SheVibe, I thought that the CalExotics Optimum Series Get Hard Penis Head Pump Set was going to be perfect. Like, I seriously felt like a goddamn hero when I pulled this toy from the box and presented it to him. I really thought I had done it, I had heard his desires and made his dreams come true. Honestly, I thought I deserved a god damn ticker tape parade… (I am clearly filled with far too much undeserved confidence…).
Now I’m just embarrassed that I even brought this thing into my house. I don’t know if this is just a bad toy… or we just experienced a whole lot of user error… but neither of us found our experience with the toy wildly enjoyable (though it also wasn’t entirely intolerable either). Which is really too bad, because the Get Hard Penis Head Pump sounds really super great… in theory… in practice… I don’t know what went wrong. Like, for realsies folks… I am so perplexed by this one… I don’t know whether to give it a bad review… or a good review… or a neutral review… I DON’T KNOW?! For real, this is shaping up to be one of the hardest reviews I’ve ever written…because I’m just so perplexed. So I guess… we’ll just unpack my feelings together and see where this goes. Is this a good toy? You’re guess is as good as mine at the point.
I guess let’s start with what is the Get Hard Penis Head Pump Set. That’s an easy one, I can answer that. So the idea behind the Get Hard is that it is both a penis pump but also a vibrator. Sounds exciting right? I thought so… The Get Hard boasts a completely automatic pump that delivers 3 levels of intense suction, which sounded amazing to me. I was originally just looking for a standard ol’ penis pump for my Stunt Cock, something akin to the pussy pump I own… just like… a cup, or I guess in this case, a tube to stick your gentiles in and a pump that you work manually. I wasn’t in the market for anything fancy. That is until I was scrolling through Shevibe’s selection of Pumps and something about the Get Hard really caught my eye, I think it was that it was automatic (no hand pumping) and looked pretty compact and easy to store compared to some of the other options. I went with the Penis Head Pump Set, but looking through Shevibe’s catalog now, I see that there is also a Get Hard Power Pump, that looks like it is meant for the full penis to be inserted, but it doesn’t come with the vibration feature that the Penis Head Pump does. Had I seen the full dick pump, I may have gone with that… although I also don’t really regret purchasing the Penis Head Pump either… because its an interesting idea.
But anyway, the Get Hard Penis Head Pump also features vibration, which I think is a neat add on, even though my Stunt Cock isn’t super fond of vibrations on his penis… we do occasionally hit on a vibrating toy that he does enjoy. So I was hoping this would be one of those “eureka” moments and we would have another vibrating toy we could add to the “does not hate” category. The Get Hard Penis Head Pump has five vibration functions and something CalExotics calls a “tickler cushion.” Which is just a spongy pad at the bottom of the cup with a handful of tiny fingers that I guess is there to tickle the penis head. Stunt Cock said he didn’t notice any added stimulation from the pad and said he could take it or leave it. Vibration-wise Stunt Cock was a bit more pleased, his exact words were “oh, this doesn’t feel to bad.” Which from him, is pretty high praise. So the vibration feature gets his seal of approval, which is excellent.
Bonus: You can run the pump with only the suction feature, only the vibrations, or you can put them both together for one heck of a good time. I like that everything can run independently of each other, always an excellent feature when a toy offers that level of customization.
Okay, so…. the toy sounds pretty good doesn’t it? So, what on earth did we have so much trouble with? The suction. It didn’t really provide that penis pump magic that Stunt Cock was looking for. I think part of the problem might have been our inability to get a tight seal, I think we may have needed to do some trimming of Stunt Cock’s pubic hair… it was long and kind of getting in the way… getting itself caught up into the ring that was supposed to help seal the toy. At the time I was too excited to try this toy out and Stunt Cock wasn’t in the mood for a whole lot of extra grooming and prep work and since it was just a penis head pump, I didn’t think pubic hair was going to be an issue, since it didn’t need to seal against the base of his penis. So we just tried to push the hair out of the way and hold the toy down as tight as we could… hoping it would seal (it really didn’t work). So I don’t think Stunt Cock ever got the full “power” of the Get Hard… I am going to assume that it actually does have some suction behind it and its not all a big lie and marketing gimmick. So as far as the suction goes, its still a mystery to me if the Get Hard is worth it or not. I don’t know what we could have done differently here.
Something else we really didn’t like… is the gross… sticky… jelly like doughnut that fits around the head of the pump. They are meant to tighten the seal and provide more sensation, but it was hard for Stunt Cock to get his dick through the opening, not because it wasn’t big enough (they are plenty stretchy) but because they were sticky and he had to keep peeling it away from his dick flesh so he could get it down the hole. Lube didn’t really help, we just ended up being both sticky and slippery. Stunt Cock also found out that the ability to thrust must not be anything built into the toy either, because when he tried to work it like a masturbation sleeve the sticky doughnut would stick to his penis and pull off of the pump. But, because its a pump, I don’t think you really are supposed to use it as a thrusting toy… so we can’t really blame this on the toy. What makes this toy a “set” is that it comes with two doughnuts (I don’t know what else to call them… but neither does CalExotics… because they also call them that… although they use the spelling donut), there is a “simple donut” which you are supposed to use with your regular pumping session while the second is meant to be ultra-tight and cause “knee-shaking” stimulation. No knees where shaking with either doughnut… what did we do wrong?!
The CalExotics Get Hard Penis Pump runs on AAA batteries (which I had to cannibalize from my food scale… because who just has AAA batteries laying around?), which is a slight disappointment, I would have preferred it to be rechargeable. But, it’s also not a huge deal either. The toy isn’t too hard to clean, just slide the doughnut (donut?) off and you have access to the inner chamber. It was a little bit fiddly spraying all the cum out of the tickler cushion… but it came pretty clean without a lot of elbow grease.
Now, for the big question… do I recommend it? Do I not? I still don’t know. I can tell you that we didn’t really have much success with it… but I’m still not sure if it was due to the toy itself or just our own human error. I feel like the materials maybe could have been better, the gross sticky doughnuts were not a winner in my book… there has to be another material those could have been made from. I also wish we could have achieved better suction, I would have liked to have gotten a better sense of how the suction feature really works. At this point, I’d have to say it didn’t really work, but as I keep saying, I really feel like maybe we used it wrong. If you have this toy or end up buying this toy I would love to know what you think and if you had better luck with it than we did. You all seem like a smart lot, so I’m sure you can figure this toy out better than we did! I think I might buy the full length Get Hard Power Pump, just because I’m curious if we would have a better luck with that.
I 100% think I will be revisiting this review at a later date, I think we will be giving this toy another test session in the future to see if anything changes.
Do you want to bring home the CalExotics Optimum Series Get Hard Penis Head Pump Set and prove once and for all that you are smarter than I am? Pick one up from SheVibe, then come back and let me know if you got it to work right!
The CalExotics Optimum Series Get Hard Penis Head Pump Set was provided to me free of charge by SheVibe in exchange for my honest review.
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