Since the dawn of time people have been wondering what sex with a colorful alien creature would be like. Captain Kirk with the Orion Slave Girl, the dude from Avatar made sex with blue aliens look very appealing, and who can forget those gyrating Twi’lek slave girls in Star Wars. I’m pretty sure there is a whole generation of people who are sexually imprinted on the Twi’lek and her long, flowing… head flesh? Admit it, deep down, we as a people are not fully satisfied by normal human pussy…we want something alien.
And until we make first contact (and fingers crossed it’s a species with some sort of sexual orifice) we thankfully have another way of satisfying that alien desire – the Fleshlight Freaks Alien Masturbator. These sweet Alien pussy (Nostril? Ear? Butthole? Undefined non-human orifice?) found its way into my hands via the folks at the Man Shop. I am 100% new to the Man Shop, but at a glance they appear to be doing a decent job. After clicking around their web store a bit, it seems like they are doing the right thing and offering up mostly body safe sex toys, however not everything is body safe… I saw a handful of jelly toys that gave me big ol’ frowny faces. So, just read descriptions carefully while you shop, make sure you are buying something from a body safe material. They do carry a nice selection of Fleshlights, which you really can’t go wrong with!
So, let’s kick off the month of October with my first spoooooky Halloween review! Don’t look at me like that, aliens can be spooky (have you seen E.T.? That shriveled raisin scares the pants off me)!
At this point in human civilization, I think most of us are familiar with the Fleshlight, either from personal use or just seeing it referenced in tv and movies or maybe accidentally finding it in your parents closet. I think it is safe to say that if you are over the age of 18 odds are you have encountered the Fleshlight brand in one way or another. But, in case you are the one oddity who has been living under a rock…. a Fleshlight is a masturbation sleeve that looks like an oversized flashlight on the outside and a human (or human-esque) orifice on the inside. We are talking the twats, butts, and mouths of pornstars and other fantasy creations. They are made with what Fleshlight calls a Real Feel Super Skin, which is a very soft, pliable material that is meant to mimic the feel of real skin. Which I do think it does a pretty good job of (albeit a bit on the cold and clammy side). Normally I would advocate against buying any toy that claims to have a hyper-realistic skin feel, as the materials are not usually body safe, however the Fleshlight is made from a phthalate free and non-toxic material. The downside to Fleshlight is that the material is porous and quite delicate. Being porous means there is a possibility of it being able to harbor mold, mildew, bacteria, and/or fungus if it is not properly cared for. If you notice any discoloration, rips/tears, or weird smells coming from the Fleshlight, it is time to discard it. But don’t let this scare you off, like I said, with proper care your Fleshlight has the potential to last you for quite some time!
One thing I never really realized about Fleshlights until I actually held on in my hand is just how massive these suckers actually are. I mean, yeah… I knew they had to be big enough to accommodate a penis, but still… they seem so much bigger than I had imagined them. I believe the Fleshlight is made to fit a penis that is something like 9.5 inches long with a 7 inch girth (which sounds like quite the massive penis…), however don’t quote me on that… I can’t remember where I saw that number. Never mind, go ahead and quote me on that… I found where I read that, it is right there in Fleshlights own FAQ section! They are also kind of on the heavier side, call me a wuss, but my arm got tired when I tried to participate in the Fleshlight pumping action.
The Fleshlight Freaks Alien Masturbator features a kind of metallic blue “skin tone” and what I am going to assume to be an alien vulva and vagina opening… however, since we have already established that this is an alien, it could be a nostril for all we know. It’s your fantasy, it can be whatever sexual alien orifice that gets your juices flowing…
Now, I don’t personally own a penis to test these sorts of toys out with, so I had to enlist the help of my Stunt Cock. “Would you fuck an alien for me?” “Yes.” He is willing to put his penis into anything for me, I like that about him. His first impressions of the Fleshlight Freaks Alien was that “it’s blue.” Then, as one naturally does with a Fleshlight, he stuck his fingers inside of it and commented on how soft it was. HEY MIKEY, I THINK HE LIKES IT! In use Stunt Cock noted that the Fleshlight was a bit harder to maneuver than the Tenga’s have been, the toy itself is larger and the opening seemed to be a tighter squeeze. I tried to convince him its because obviously our Alien sex slave is a virgin and those Tenga’s clearly are not. The inner texture of the toy didn’t seem to wow him as much as I thought it would. When describing the texture of the inner canal both the words swirling and bumpy came up! The Fleshlight Alien combines three of Fleshlight’s more popular textures to create a texture that is completely unique to the Alien and not currently available with any other sleeve. Upon insertion that the penis meets a swirling texture that mimics Fleshlight’s Vortex sleeve, continuing to push past this hits a Lotus node, which then gives way to Fleshlight’s most intense texture, the Stamina Training Unit. Overall my Stunt Cock enjoyed it, although he did note that it was a bit of an effort to push his cock in and out (which I believe is due to the use of the STU) but it was still very pleasurable. He also said that if it had been warmer, it would have felt much more realistic (I pointed out this is an Alien and maybe cold was realistic for this species) and that he would probably run it under warm water the next time he used it (I pointed out that Fleshlight carries a warmer just for this purpose). I tried to press for more detailed thoughts and feelings about the Fleshlight, but sometimes my Stunt Cock is a man of few words… he masturbated, he came, he gave me a thumbs up. So, I guess the Fleshlight Freaks Alien Sleeve gets my Stunt Cock’s recommendation!
Cleaning the Fleshlight isn’t as hard as I imagined it would be. Just remove the sleeve from the plastic case and flush the insides with some warm water. Do not wash with soap! Then just let it air dry before placing it back into it’s plastic case. I found that I could gently squeeze out some of the excess water out of the sleeve to help speed the drying process along.
My biggest complaint about the Fleshlight? Okay, so you know when you buy a new sweatshirt and it feels so fuzzy and cozy on the inside and everything is perfect? But then you finally are forced to throw that sweatshirt into the washing machine and when it comes out nothing is quite the same, it feels just a little less soft and a little less cozy? That… that is my biggest complain about the Fleshlight. After washing the Fleshlight and allowing it to dry, touching it is a nightmare (for me)… it feels so… gross! It’s tacky, it’s weird…. I don’t like it. Thankfully when sprinkled with a little Fleshlight renewing powder (or cornstarch) things go more or less back to normal. Whew!
Fleshlight has kind of become the gold standard of masturbation sleeves, so you really can’t go wrong with purchasing one. My Stunt Cock really enjoyed using the Alien and I really enjoyed watching him use it. If you are willing to put in the minimal effort required to maintain the Fleshlight then I think it is an excellent purchase, but if you just want something you can jizz into and forget about it like an old sock, you might be better off looking at some of the disposable Tenga products, such as the eggs or cups. If you are bored of the normal human flesh colored sleeves, then the Alien is really an incredibly eye catching alternative to the basic human orifice sleeve! If you are bored with normal human anatomy, then the Alien can be whatever you imagine it to be! If you are bored with normal human hand-jobs, the Alien can add a little pzazz to your masturbation sessions. And don’t just think of this as a solo toy! Personally, I love Fleshlights! Beyond just the fact that I love to both finger and fist these toys, I also love to watch my Stunt Cock use it and I love to help him use it! It provides us plenty of fun as a couples toy along with being a stellar solo toy!
Ready to explore what the galaxy has to offer? Pick up a Fleshlight Freaks Alien Masturbator from the ManShop!
The Fleshlight Alien is also available direct from Fleshlight.
The Fleshlight Freaks Alien Sleeve was provided to me free of charge by the Man Shop in exchange for my honest review.